Undercover
by boobtuber1978
Summary: 3 years after Stroh nearly ruins her career, Brenda Leigh Johnson is on a new mission but not by her own choosing. She's been sucked back in. Will she be able to get out? Will she want to? Will Sharon Raydor be able to find her or will she let her go forever? -Rating M for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

**I have no idea where this story is going. I know I preface all of my stories with that but it's true. Right now the chapters are shorter because I want to get more into the story.**

**This story starts 3 years after the current season. In my story, BLJ does not leave Major Crimes. In my story, the show goes on as it has been. There will probably be a lot of flashback. I'm not going to reference too many of the actual _Closer_ story lines because I don't want to get too deep but we'll see.**

**please let me know what is working and what isn't..it's all much appreciated. Thanks! -T**

**Oh and I own nothing but this story idea.**

* * *

The blonde pulled open the left desk drawer with a sigh. Inside it was completely empty except for one lone foil wrapped treat. She lifted the familiar item out and held it confidently in her hand. The weight, the texture, the coolness of the foil…she knew it all by heart. Setting the chocolate treat down on the desk, she picked up a dark red cased pen and clicked the end.

The sound of the click drug her mind back to the hundreds of times her formidable colleague stood in this very room and clicked her pen before taking a bounty of notes as she always did. Closing her eyes, she could see the tall brunette standing over in the corner with her pad of paper on her arm. The dark framed glasses sliding slowly down the bridge of her nose. The green eyes behind them pleading for cooperation knowing full well she was more than likely not going to get it.

Brenda Leigh slowly opened her eyes and sighed. Looking through the open window blinds she watched her team and the brunette go about their daily business. Sharon Raydor blew into her murder room 6 years ago like a hurricane. Her approach cool and calm but her delivery full of fire. They hadn't necessarily become friends so to speak but neither of them were really the friendly type. But deep down, Brenda had to admit to herself that it was nice, occasionally, to have another woman amongst them. And after the Stroh case, Brenda started to rely on Sharon as someone she could confide in which she did regularly but it was just between them. So perhaps they were friends?

She watched as Provenza mapped out a timeline on the white board just as he did any other time. They were getting ready to take down a suspect.

Resting the tip of the ballpoint on the line drawn on the single sheet of paper, Brenda Leigh pulled her bottom lip with the tip of her teeth. It took two seconds to sign her name. Two seconds and it was all over. Done. She clicked the pen closed and laid it on her desk.

Picking up the foil wrapped treat she felt it between her fingers. Her red manicured nail scratching lightly over the thin foil. With two swipes and a pull, the wrapper was off and the delicious chocolate and cream filled treat was naked in her hand. The delicate chocolate melting slightly under the heat of her fingertips. But she didn't care. She only thought of the feel of the soft cake practically melting on her tongue. Taking a bite she savored the rich cocoa. Her tongue sliding across her lips slowly, capturing any loose crumbs. Sitting back in her chair she consumed the rest of the treat. And when it was gone she sighed heavily. This was it. That was the last one.

Just before she could pick up her purse and the signed piece of paper, her cell phone beeped one time. Normally, under these circumstances, she would have ignored it until she was out of the building but her crew was still outside and she didn't want to have to look at them. It was better this way.

Jamming on her glasses she looked at the message on the cell phone screen. She stared at it for a long time. Too long.

_2030 tonight._

That's all it said but it was loaded.

Brenda swallowed and erased the message from her phone. Her chest was heaving from her elevated heartbeat and labored breathing. Out of the corner of her eye she saw them pick up their things and leave. Captain Raydor turned and pointedly looked at Brenda standing behind her desk. Their eyes locked for a split second and something passed between them as fast as a gnat flaps its wings. Finally, the murder room was empty.

Throwing the phone in her enormous black purse she pulled the straps over her shoulder and walked out her office door with purpose. She stopped abruptly and turned back for one last look. A tear welled in her eye but she willed it away as quickly as it had developed.

With paper in hand she stopped at Will Pope's office. She didn't knock. There was no formality between them. Not anymore.

"My letter of resignation." She slid the paper across his desk. He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He regarded her for a long time. Will Pope and Brenda Leigh Johnson knew each other for a very long time. They knew more about each other than anyone else in the LAPD. So it was a complete shock to him when she told him a month ago that she was resigning. She'd made him promise not to tell anyone else. He understood she had to do this her way.

Brenda Leigh Johnson did everything her way.


	2. Chapter 2

She walked out of the LAPD Headquarters without looking back. She couldn't. She'd made up her mind a long time ago. A dull tightening of her heart reminded her that she had started to let her emotions get too far into her cases. It had all started 3 years ago with Stroh and that dreadful Johnson Rule. Between then and now she had alienated pretty much everyone around her at one point or another.

She couldn't blame any of them.

Walking across the street she entered the Bank of America with only one thing on her mind. _2030 tonight. _

"Good afternoon, Chief Johnson. What can I do for you?" The young, strawberry blonde teller behind the mahogany desk asked cheerfully. Brenda had frequented this branch since she moved to LA.

"Hi Wendy. I need to access my safety deposit box please." Brenda said in her best southern drawl.

They exchanged pleasantries while Brenda followed her to the room that housed the boxes. Wendy left Brenda to her own privacy as she opened box number 6019. She hadn't been to this box since she'd been told about it but here she was opening it for the first time. Pulling the small box out of its place she extracted another key that looked just like the one she used to unlock the current box. Taking the key, Brenda looked around to make sure no one else was around, then proceeded to box 9099.

Her hand shook as she unlocked the second safety deposit box. Never having had to open it, she was aware of what it meant once she did. Inside the box was a lone cell phone. She quickly placed it in her purse then locked both boxes and left the bank as quickly as she could.

An hour later Brenda Leigh was sitting on her sofa with a bottle of wine on the table in front of her. But her eyes were trained on the clock numbers and the foreign cell phone before her. 45 minutes. She poured a full glass of Merlot and sipped it generously. The liquid tingling down her throat.

Sitting back against the cushions she let her mind wander. She had enjoyed every minute of her life inside the LAPD. Despite the nature of the business it filled her life when nothing else could. Those guys were her family even more than Fritz had been. Sure she loved him and at one point she was in love with him. But she couldn't separate herself and her work as much as she tried.

Fritz had walked out 3 years ago right after the Stroh trial. She didn't stop him and he didn't look back. She caught glimpses of him every now and then but he didn't notice or he didn't care. Either way it was for the best…for him. He needed someone who was an equal partner. Someone who didn't cheat on him with work every night.

She nearly jumped out of her skin and spilled the glass of wine when her phone beeped. But it wasn't _the_ phone. It was her phone. Holding it at arms length and squinting she read the message.

_I didn't get to say goodbye._

It was from Captain Raydor. Pope must have told her already. Brenda knew it was awful the way she left. But she couldn't bring herself to face that emotional deathtrap. She could almost see the Captain sitting at her desk clicking her pen open and closed over and over again. Brenda Leigh had noticed the Captain did that a lot when they were in the same room together.

She put her glasses on to reply back. Sighing she typed her response.

_I'm sorry. I had to do it that way or I may not have done it at all._

Brenda laid her phone down and willed the tears to stay inside. But almost right away the phone beeped back. Raydor again.

_Why did you?_

_You know why. I'm sorry, Sharon. _

Captain Raydor didn't reply back. With her head resting on the cushions the tears finally fell out of the corners of her eyes. Somewhere at some point, Brenda developed a sort of protectiveness over Sharon Raydor. Of course Sharon didn't need protecting. She was a strong, smart woman on her own but Brenda couldn't help feel the way she did. Naturally, she didn't let it show on the outside.

Brenda hadn't had many friends in her life so she wasn't sure what to make of a friendship between herself and the captain. She wasn't even sure it was possible. It was common knowledge that they didn't get along at the office but the times they had interacted outside of the office they were quite friendly with one another. It hit her that she wished she could have one last drink with the Captain before everything changed but now…now it was too late…and too dangerous.

As memories of Sharon and the LAPD bounced through her head, the cell phone rang. _The _cell phone. She looked at the clock. Exactly 2030.

She set down the glass of wine and picked up the phone.

"Hello." She answered evenly.

"Ah Vivien Leigh, I knew you would not disappoint me."

She recognized the deep, raspy voice immediately. No one else knew that code name. She never thought they would contact her again but here she was getting dragged right back in. Technically she was still CIA but inactive. Apparently they've decided to reactivate her.

Part of her was excited for the new adventure. Part of her was scared out of her mind. She wasn't as young as she used to be.

"I need you to drive to Las Vegas and check into the Wynn tomorrow by 1600. A reservation has been made under your name. Further instructions will be waiting there for you."

The phone call ended. He hadn't waited for her to agree or not. There was no choice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for the comments. They are much appreciated. I agree that this story is intriguing since I have no idea where it's going. Hopefully it will do justice.**

**Luckily I started this chapter a last night as today I wasn't in the right frame of mind to make an coherent sentences. I had to put my dog down today and it broke my heart into a million pieces. So if you see any mistakes you can blame it on that.**

* * *

Sharon Raydor was at her desk when Will Pope called her downstairs. Having already kicked off her expensive black pumps under her desk, she sighed at the thought of putting them back on her aching feet. But when the Chief of Police calls you go.

She knocked on his door before walking in.

"Chief Pope?" She poked her head around the door.

"Sharon, sit down."

Uh oh. It wasn't good news when he called her Sharon. She sat down in front of his desk and crossed her legs. He didn't look at her exposed knee like he normally did. She was starting to get worried. Her hands fidgeted unnecessarily without something in them. She wished she had one of her pens in her hand.

Will sat back in his chair before addressing her.

"Sharon, Chief Johnson turned in her resignation today." He waited for her response.

Sharon sat there stunned. But she didn't flinch. She was trained not to. But her insides were knotted up in an instant. The Captain uncrossed and recrossed her legs.

"So…" She was speechless.

"Effective immediately." He answered her unasked question.

Sharon went back to her office after leaving Major Crimes Division. Her shoulders slumped a little more than before and her chin not held so high. Closing her door and blinds behind her she fell into her leather chair and rested her elbows on the desk. Feeling like she had been holding her breath ever since Will told her about Brenda, she exhaled. Pulling her glasses off and tossing them haphazardly onto her desk, she rested her head in her hands for a long time.

It surprised her when she felt a hot liquid run down her arms. She realized she was crying. Sharon ferociously wiped the tears away embarrassed by her sudden emotional breakdown.

Who knew a little thing like Brenda Leigh Johnson could tear down her emotional walls.

Digging her cell phone out of her desk drawer she put her glasses back on.

It took her a few times before she managed to get the courage to send the first message. She'd never been nervous around Brenda before so why now? It was unnerving her that she didn't feel in control at that moment.

_I didn't get to say goodbye. _ Hitting send she sighed and stared at the phone. And waited. Unconsciously picking up her pen, she started clicking it open and closed…open and closed.

_I'm sorry. I had to do it that way or I may not have done it at all. _

Just like Brenda Leigh. She jumped before thinking. She could have talked to her about it but she didn't. Maybe they weren't as friendly as Sharon thought. Her heart dropped a little with that thought.

Sharon couldn't not ask. _Why did you?_

_You know why. I'm sorry, Sharon._

She didn't expect to get an explanation.

Then it hit her.

Brenda had never been the same after the Stroh ordeal. That had tested every ounce of strength and courage that Brenda had and still she almost faulted. Sharon tried to be there as a support but of course Brenda put up her walls.

_She remembered walking into Brenda's office a few months ago. It was uncommon for Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson to be shut up in her office with the blinds pulled all day. Brenda was sitting at her desk staring out into the cloudy Los Angeles horizon. _

_Sharon stood in the door for several seconds before she closed the door alerting Brenda to her presence. _

"_Chief?" _

_Brenda lifted her chin. "Yes, Captain. What can I help you with?"_

_Sharon didn't answer. She watched Brenda trying to cover the fact that something was on her mind. A big something. She'd worked with Brenda Leigh Johnson long enough to know exactly when something was bothering the blonde. Slowly walking to take a seat in the chair in front of the chief's desk, she didn't take her eyes from Brenda's. _

"_Brenda Leigh, don't try to fool a fool." She still hadn't stopped looking directly into her eyes._

_Brenda regarded her with a smirk. There wasn't much you could get passed Sharon Raydor.._

_With a sigh, "I can't seem to be subjective anymore and it's putting my team in danger."_

_Sharon had watched Brenda in action for six years. She'd watched her go through being shot at countless times, a divorce, the death of her beloved father and mother a year ago, and a nasty lawsuit that nearly broke her. Sharon felt sorry for Brenda. After all, it would be hard for either of them to relinquish control._

"_Do you need to take time off?" Sharon asked quietly. _

_Brenda looked at her like her head had spun around. "No, captain! I do not need to take time off…I'll figure this out." She gave a wave of her hand like it was no big deal. But Sharon knew it was a big deal._

_Sharon wasn't the kind of person who was too keen on showing her emotions but right then she wanted to give Brenda a hug. The very thought of that shocked her to her core. When had she gone from wanting to strangle Brenda Leigh Johnson to wanting to hug her?_

With finger poised on the screen of her smart phone, Sharon typed a response then erased it. She did this 4 times before she gave up and left it at that.


	4. Chapter 4

Brenda Leigh went to bed that night not really knowing what was coming next. Tossing and turning all night she finally made herself get out of bed to try and prepare herself...prepare her mind. Being CIA again was a mind game. She packed a purple medium sized rolling suitcase with her essentials. She would dress the part once she learned what the part was.

The four and a half hour drive across the desert was tedious. But it gave Brenda a chance to think. To think about the people she had met. To think about the mistakes she'd made. To think about the damage she'd caused everyone she encountered.

A very specific brunette came to the front of her mind. Brenda's wide mouth curved upwards at the corners into a soft smile. She didn't know why Sharon Raydor affected her the way that she did. But she did. She got under her skin like no one else ever had.

Brenda remembered the time a few years ago when she walked up to Sharon Raydor's front door.

_The light knocking on the front door was barely loud enough for Sharon to hear from her bedroom. Squinting at the glowing blue numbers on the clock on the nightstand, she threw her legs over the side of the bed and reached for her green robe. The knocking continued as Sharon pulled open the nightstand drawer and brought out her handgun. _

_She padded into the front entryway and peered out the peephole to the front steps. It took two looks before she believed what she was seeing was actually what was there. _

_Unlocking the two deadbolts Sharon pulled the wooden door open._

"_What the hell are you doing here, Chief? It's 1:30 in the morning." _

_But Brenda didn't respond. She gently pushed her way into Sharon's home. _

_Sharon closed the door and watched Brenda pacing her entry hall. The blonde was rapidly blinking and her shoulders pulled up high with tension. She gently guided Brenda into the living room and encouraged her to sit on the deep red sofa. _

_Brenda still hadn't said a word as she flopped down onto the couch. It took a few moments before Brenda noticed her standing there with her arms crossed over her chest and the short green satin robe showing off her toned long legs. She had to admit—Sharon Raydor was a beautiful woman. Brenda swallowed. Resting her head in her hands she tried to get that image out of her head. This wasn't the time._

_And with a silent turn Sharon Raydor walked out of the room. Something must really be upsetting Brenda Leigh if Captain Raydor was the only person she could turn to. _

_A few minutes later Sharon returned with two glasses of wine. It was the middle of the night but something told her that Brenda needed this. She sat down next to the chief and offered one of the crystal glasses to her. _

_With the slightest of brushes, their fingers grazed each other as Brenda grasped the much needed wine. Sharon blinked at the contact. Why was this happening now? She'd pushed any feelings she'd had for Brenda Leigh away a long time ago. _

_Brenda took a generous sip of the wine and finally relaxed a bit._

"_So…" Captain Raydor finally broke the silence._

_Brenda took another sip and set the glass down on the table in front of her. She scratched her head and cringed. It finally hit her that she had shown up on Captain Sharon Raydor's doorstep at 1:30 in the morning. It was still hard for her to grasp that they were friends even if no one else knew that. They kept it to themselves because they didn't want to compromise their working relationship or cause any strife amongst their departments. You'd think they were hiding some big romance…_

_With that thought Brenda picked up her wine again and drained the rest of the more than half full glass. Sharon's eyes widened behind her black-rimmed glasses. _

"_Fritz left me." Brenda squeaked out before collapsing into her own lap._

_Sharon didn't know what to say. She placed a consoling hand on Brenda's back. By the shaking she felt from Brenda's back she knew the blonde was crying…silently sobbing. She knew from her own experience that a spouse leaving was hard. She sympathized with the Chief._

"_Maybe…" Sharon attempted to tell her maybe he was just upset and would be back._

"_No, he's gone. For good. He made that quite clear." Brenda sat up and wiped her cheeks with her hands. Fritz had been her anchor. Now what would she do? _

The Las Vegas skyline breaking over the horizon broke her memory. Driving up to the Wynn VIP entrance, Brenda Leigh exited her car and smiled as the concierge took her luggage and guided her to the check-in.

Making her way to the 28th floor to her suite, her heart nearly beat out of her chest. Before unlocking the door with her keycard, she took a calming, deep breath. This was it. She was back in the game. She suddenly felt exhilarated. Perhaps this was just what she needed.

The salon suite was huge and overlooked the north end of the Strip. Pressing the button to open the blinds revealing the floor to ceiling picture windows, Brenda gasped and stumbled back at the sight of the man sitting in the plush white side chair.

"Stuart! Dammit, you scared the tar out of me." Her hand pressed against her heaving chest.

She hadn't seen her CIA liaison in over 15 years but despite his greying hair, he hadn't changed much. He still had that boyish charm that got him anything he wanted but also made him forgettable just the same. A perfect combination for the CIA.

This wasn't a social visit and he got right down to it.

"We need you to infiltrate a diamond smuggling ring that's been operating domestically as well as in Europe and Africa. The details of your identity are in this envelope." He tossed a legal sized manila envelope across the coffee table to her. But she didn't reach for it. That envelope contained her new identity. Her new life.

He continued. "You'll sink right back in, Brenda Leigh. It's like riding a bike."

"Or falling off one." Even she couldn't laugh at her nervous joke.

He further explained the job to her. The diamond smugglers were using modern day slave traders to smuggle the diamonds out of Africa then they would have the slaves murdered. Once the diamonds had been secured in Belgium, another set of handlers would get them to sellers in New York, Los Angeles, London, and Rome. It was a big and deadly operation. But through the little intelligence that they could gather, it was all run by one person. They couldn't get in far enough to ID him. That's where she came in.

In her day, she had been the CIA's top infiltration spy. And he had no doubt that she could do it again.

"It's dangerous. Very dangerous." He paused. "But that's what you like, right, Brenda Leigh?" He shot her a familiar smile.

A short time later he left her to the solitude of the suite with just the unopened envelope before her. She knew once she opened it there was no going back. Brenda Leigh would be no more.

A pang of sorrow hit her stomach. Rummaging to the bottom of her large purse she pulled her cell phone out and typed a text message.

_I wish I had realized it before but…you were the best friend I ever had. I'll miss you._


	5. Chapter 5

**I needed a strong last name for Brenda Leigh's undercover name. I've used Steele before and liked it...way before those shitty 50 Shades of Grey books so it kinda pained me to use it here. But it fit. So I did.**

* * *

It took 6 months for Brenda to _become_ Valencia Steele and immerse herself in the diamond underworld. Her blonde wavy mane was now shoulder length and brunette…chocolate caramel is what the color was officially called. A deep aqua blue replaced the dark brown of her eyes. Some of the flowery dresses remained but Valencia was sexy and bold and confident. The tight, short skirts and low cut dresses were now her signature.

Surprisingly, Brenda enjoyed being Valencia Steele. Her every thought and focus was on the Job. She had one mission: to entangle herself with the head of the diamond smuggling operation and take him down…no matter how long it took.

After Vegas, she flew to London. That was the last known location of "Il Diamante" as they called him. Her funds were unlimited. She had to play the part and Valencia Steele was a super wealthy, super sexy diamonds buyer. It wasn't hard to make herself known in the diamond world. It was easier to get in when you're a sexy lady in a sea of men.

But Brenda was enjoying every minute of the campaign. It gave her the freedom to not dwell on the past. To not make the same mistakes Brenda had made.

Walking through Hyde Park, she knew someone was following her. They'd been for a few weeks now. But he never approached her. It wasn't anyone she'd met before and it wasn't anyone on her spec list. Her heart started racing. Maybe it was him.

Retying the knot of her short red trench coat, she sat down on an empty park bench and waited. With her peripheral vision she saw the target stop at the edge of the lake. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a book to pretend to read until he made his move. If he made one at all.

About 20 minutes later he slowly walked toward her. He was handsome. Extremely so. His dark hair cut loose over his collar. And he was younger than she thought he would be…probably mid-40s. The scruff on his face made him appear a bit rugged. He wore black denim jeans faded in all the right spots. His button up grey shirt hung loose over his narrow hips. With the sleeves rolled up on his forearms he looked like any other guy. Maybe it wasn't him…but she had a feeling in her gut that it was.

She didn't look at him as he approached.

"Is this seat taken, miss?" He asked.

Looking up as if she wasn't aware of his presence she stammered a bit. "Uh…no. It's not taken." She pretended to read her book again.

It shocked her that he had an American accent. They hadn't had much intelligence on him but they thought he might be Italian. If, indeed, this was their man.

They sat in silence for a long while before he finally spoke.

"American?" He asked. His voice was deep and brooding.

Brenda looked up from her book. "Pardon me?"

"You're an American?" He asked again with a sly smile on his face. This one was a charmer.

"Oh yes. I apologize. Sometimes a good mystery can be quite distracting." Smiling, she flipped her book over in her hands. Gone was her Southern drawl and in its place was a crisp, upper crust, slight New England accent. The CIA didn't want the risk of her accent being detected and many elitists didn't take southerners seriously.

His mahogany brown eyes crinkled at the corners as he stuck his hand out towards her. A chill went down her spine when she placed her hand demurely into his and he leaned forward to gently feather a kiss across the top.

Oh yeah. This was him, she thought to herself. Her eyes caught sight of the Patek Philippe watch on his wrist and the black leather Berluti shoes on his feet. Yes, it was definitely her man.

"G. R. Hawthorne. Very nice to make your acquaintance, miss…" The dimples in his cheeks deepened as she waited for her reply.

"Valencia Steele." She easily returned his smile.

He repeated her name like he was branding it in his mind.

"Are you here on business or pleasure?" His coffee colored eyes stared deeply into hers. For a brief moment she almost lost herself in them.

"Oh a little of both but business mostly." She didn't offer anything else. She couldn't give more than he asked for or it might set off his radar. The CIA had never been able to put a pin on him. Why was he letting his guard down now?

He crossed his legs. "And what business would that be?"

Turning to him she lifted her eyebrow and smirked. "You're certainly full of questions, Mr. Hawthorne."

He laughed a deep, hearty laugh which made her smile. But he didn't press her for an answer this time. He knew who Valencia Steele was.

"It's the nature of my business, Miss Steele. I'm a writer and sometimes a muse is just a glance away." She saw him watching her to see if she gave away a tell. But she knew better. Was trained better. It was like playing poker. A good player could tell just by looking at your face what you held in your hand. But a better player knew how to keep it hidden.

He uncrossed his legs and stood up in front of her. It wasn't hard to tower over her sitting frame when he was at least 6'2. "Perhaps we'll meet again, Miss Steele. It would be a great disservice if we did not." And with that he turned and she watched him continue to walk down the path he followed her on.

Brenda Leigh knew immediately that he would contact her again. As she remained on the bench for some time, she could feel his eyes boring into her. Opening the book she never read a word of, she sat back against the bench for another good hour before meandering slowly back to her flat.

By the time she finished her report on her new acquaintance, it was well after dark. Every day, all day she thought of nothing but the Job. It was almost a brain-washing affect.

But every night right before she fell asleep, she didn't think of the life Brenda Leigh had…she thought of Sharon Raydor. She'd been gone for 6 months. Had Sharon tried to contact Brenda Leigh or had she forgotten about her already? As much as she knew she couldn't reach out to Sharon, the more she wanted to. Needed to. But it would be risking the whole operation. Not to mention her life as well as Sharon's.

So each night she lay in her big bed and stared out into the dark London night through the wall length picture windows and thought about her friend.

Some nights she thought about the grief her guys would likely give Captain Sharon Raydor mostly on purpose and for their own amusement.

And some nights she yearned to sit with her in some smoky, dark bar and share a glass or more of wine together.

Then some nights…the lonely nights…she thought about the way it felt when Sharon touched her shoulder or put her hand on her back. And all at once, those peculiar feelings came flooding back.

The longer she was away, the stronger they got.


	6. Chapter 6

It was an unseasonably cold and dreary day in Los Angeles. The fog had rolled in early in the morning and was still hovering low as Captain Sharon Raydor sat at her desk at 11:30 at night. She couldn't even see City Hall across the street. Her long woolen grey slacks kept her legs warm enough but the cranberry silk blouse was be a bit drafty. But neither the heat nor the cold registered with the Captain. She was too wrapped up in closing her case and the mystery going on in her head.

Even with Brenda gone more than 6 months now, the guys in Major Crimes were still giving her trouble. She knew it but she couldn't do much about it. She understood their pain and angst. Their leader had run out on them. Left them behind like they didn't matter. Part of her had to force herself to believe that because she knew, deep down, that Brenda wouldn't have done that…not to them. She loved those guys like her own family. And they were her family.

But after racking her brain for 6 months, Sharon still couldn't figure out why Brenda left the way she did. Chief Pope claimed he didn't know where she was and while at first she didn't believe him eventually she realized he didn't know.

Every day she reread the last message she received from Brenda Leigh.

_I wish I had realized it before but…you were the best friend I ever had. I'll miss you._

Some days reading it made her angry. Most days reading it made her sad.

Missing Brenda Leigh was one thing but being worried about her was another. It wasn't like her to drop off the face of the earth.

Sharon Raydor sat back in her black leather chair contemplating her next move. Her last two options were ones she didn't want to have to go to but it looked like it was the only way if she wanted to finally put Brenda Leigh out of her mind. Closing her eyes, it decisively hit her that no one had ever been so engrained in her mind before.

Sighing, she decided to try one of her last two options. It took 10 seconds to log into the national database. Technically she wasn't breaking the law since she did have access but technically Brenda Leigh wasn't a suspect or involved in any open cases. A lump formed at the base of her throat as she typed BRENDA LEIGH JOHNSON into the search box. She paused just a moment before hitting Enter.

For ten minutes she watched the hourglass on her screen turn over and over and over again. Her normally strong, broad shoulders slumped upon seeing the last known contact of one Brenda Leigh Johnson was when she resigned from the Los Angeles Police Department. Frustrated, she signed out and shut her computer off. She wouldn't get any more constructive work done anyway.

Checking her cell phone again, there were no new messages. She didn't expect there would be any. But it had become a habit. And after all this time, it was beginning to piss her off that she allowed this to bother like it had.

Sharon Raydor wasn't one to let herself get thrown off kilter because of someone else. But Brenda Leigh Johnson wasn't just someone else. She'd twanged her little southern butt into everyone's lives…and most of their hearts.

She shook her head slightly embarrassed by the memory of herself sending countless texts and phone messages to Brenda Leigh's cell phone in the weeks after she disappeared. Had she fallen that deep? What was the hold Brenda Leigh Johnson had over her?

Picking up her cell phone she instinctively scrolled through her contacts and hit send when she found the one she was looking for. It rang 4 times before a groggy voice finally came on the line.

"This better be important, Captain." He said.

Her voice was caught in her throat.

"Captain?" He raised his voice slightly.

"Agent Howard, it is important but it's…it's rather of a personal nature." Sharon had never brought up the subject of Brenda with Fritz. But this was her last shot at finding out what happened to her or where she was. She just wanted to talk to her. To make sure she was alright.

She heard him clear his throat.

"Do you know where Brenda Leigh is?" She never was one to beat around the bush.

He cleared his throat again. She knew it was a sore subject with him.

"Captain, you call me at…12:45am and ask me about Brenda Leigh? And why, of all people, do you think I would know where she is?" Fritz had hardened during the years after he left Brenda. He was colder.

"It was my last option, Fritz." Defeated, she rested her head in the palm of her hand. "I'm sorry that I woke you. I didn't even look at the time. I've just been so…" She didn't finish. She didn't really know how to describe in words what she had been.

His sigh rung in her ear. "I'll find out what I can, Sharon. But I can't promise anything."

"Thank you," she whispered her appreciation but he had already disconnected the call.

It was only a few hours later as she was lying in bed did the buzzing of her cell phone startle her out of a deep sleep. The sun was just coming up over the mountains. She fumbled for her glasses beneath the pillow next to her.

_I didn't come up with anything, but she's not dead._

Sharon read the last three words four times.

She pulled the other pillow against her chest and held it tight. Falling back asleep was easier now that she knew Brenda Leigh wasn't dead but now the mystery remains…where was she? And why didn't she return any messages?


	7. Chapter 7

Brenda Leigh sat at a window table inside her favorite neighborhood café. It was a charming little place off the beaten path so it wasn't too crowded at any given time. She stopped by occasionally before she realized G. R. Hawthorne was her target but now that she knew he was and he was on her tail as well, she made sure to be here more often. In the past month since he'd first approached her in the park, he made it a point to "happen" to run into her at the café several times a week.

From behind the financial section of the newspaper, she saw him enter. He looked quite dapper in his dark blue suit…perfectly tailored of course. The dark grey woolen coat he wore to protect him from the cold, blustery October rain was expensive. The potential star power he held back could light up the world if he would put it to good use. But he was sinister despite his boyish good looks and bottomless charisma.

She waited patiently until he approached her. She knew he would.

"So we meet again, Miss Steele." He smiled. Damn, she normally wouldn't let the physical appearance of a person affect her the way his did…especially not while on a case…and especially not the target! She hadn't been attracted to another man since Fritz and now wasn't the time or the person to do it.

She folded her newspaper and offered him the seat across from her. "Mr. Hawthorne, if I…"

"Griffin. Griffin Richmond. That's what the G.R. stands for in case you wondered. But you, you can call me Griff." There was that smile again. And this time she returned it.

"Griff." She repeated his name. It fit him. A bit rugged…a bit refined.

As he lifted his cup of coffee…no English tea for him…he said, "I'd like you to come to dinner." It wasn't a question or an invitation. She knew not too many people turned down a request from Griffin Richmond Hawthorne.

"I'd be honored. As long as you call me Val."

They chatted about nothing in particular for awhile. But gauged each other closely.

"I will collect you tonight at 8pm." He announced as he put his coat back on to leave.

"You know where I live?" She raised her eyebrow. She had no doubt he knew a lot about Valencia Steele. The CIA had put a great deal of information out there about her. Valencia Steele was the newest and biggest diamonds buyer in North America. She was a Yale finance graduate who had stakes in numerous technologies and exploration companies.

Griff merely smiled at her and walked out of the café.

Later that evening, Griff promptly picked her up in his classic black Rolls Royce at 8pm and took her back to his spacious home. She was a little unnerved by him being so bold to bring her there but she wasn't afraid. No, Brenda Leigh Johnson could protect herself. But what raised her radar was the fact that he felt comfortable enough with her so soon to bring her here when no one else had ever even gotten within a few hundred yards of him. For a moment she thought about placing a listening device in his home but the surveillance of his operation would have to come from someone within. As paranoid as he appeared to be, a physical device would be detected right away and the whole operation would be blown. She needed to get in.

And as they dined on an exquisitely prepared cuisine and the most delicious white wine she'd ever put to her lips, Brenda understood a little bit more about the man. As polished and sophisticated as he was, he was also lonely and quite friendly. Had she not known that he was responsible for the murders of innocent men he might have been someone she could consider a friend.

Over dinner he asked about her business, revealing that he knew she was a diamonds buyer. She told him with as little specific detail possible about her business and why she did what she did. By the end of the evening, Brenda knew she was making great strides into his world. He wasn't unintelligent. He knew what he was doing and bringing in a buyer like Valencia Steele would spread his reach further and deeper into the legitimate and illegitimate diamonds societies.

* * *

For weeks after their initial dinner, G.R. Hawthorne courted Valencia Steele quite heavily. At first glance it might seem like he was just trying to get her business and contacts but Brenda knew Griff was interested in more. But she kept her distance. She had to keep her head in the game. But she also knew that she couldn't deny Griff what he wanted from her if she wanted to get what she needed from him.

Griff wined and dined her a few times a week until the end of November. She knew she couldn't be coy for long. She had to show him that Valencia Steele was in the game as well.

"I'd like to take you some place today." She announced to him from across the small bistro table at the café. It had become "their table". The look in his eyes almost broke her heart. There was a sorrowful glee to them. She knew instantly that no one had taken an interest in doing something for him in a very long time. She swallowed the lump in her throat and got her head back to the job.

"Oh?" The smile on his face grew bigger-like a mischievous kid on Christmas morning.

Slinging her black leather purse over her shoulder, she said, "Be ready at noon. Dress casual." She walked out of the café but looked back over her shoulder to where he was sitting, watching her intensely. His eyes widened when she winked at him.

Promptly at noon, G.R. Hawthorne was standing in front of the gate surrounding his home. As she pulled her silver Porsche roadster to a stop, she couldn't help but stare at him. His faded blue jeans hung loose over black leather boots. A worn black leather jacket was zipped up over a grey sweater.

"I didn't know you liked the biker look." She said amusingly as he slid his tall, lean body into the low car.

He laughed from deep within as he scrubbed his hands over his scruffy face.

Leaning his head back on the headrest, he turned and looked at her with questioning eyes and a smirk on his lips.

"Might I ask where we are going, Ms. Steele?"

Smiling, "well since you called me 'Ms. Steele' you'll have to wait and see."

For the hour and a half drive, Brenda learned more and more about G. R. Hawthorne, the man. He was an only child who was raised in poverty near Washington D.C. When Griff was 8, his father was killed by a group of illegal immigrants from West Africa. She connected that to his current life immediately. His mother instilled in him that he had to work and work hard for everything he needed and wanted. At 15 he started working at the Seltzer Jewelry Store below their tiny apartment. For a year and a half he saved every bit that he could and finally for Christmas he bought his mother a simple gold watch. It wasn't fancy or expensive but it was the only gift he had been able to give her. He was so proud and excited that he couldn't wait for Christmas day. Giving the gift to her 3 days early, he watched eagerly as she unwrapped the small box. Tears streamed down her face when she saw the delicate watch. As he clasped it around her wrist, he cried too.

Just as the sky darkened on New Year's Eve a few days later, a group of ferocious teenagers circled Griff and his mother just around the corner from their apartment. As they nervously and hurriedly walked to their building, one of the boys swung a baseball bat hitting Griff's mother in the back of the head. She died instantly. Griff was frozen in place, fearful that he would be next and in shock from what he just witnessed. The murderer took the gold watch from his mother's wrist and the group ran away. That's all they wanted-the watch. The watch he had given her.

Brenda couldn't help but let the tears fall down her own cheeks as she listened to his story.

He sat very quiet for a long time before she reached over and laid her hand on top of his. It was a simple gesture. Nothing else was said before she parked in front of a pub in Oxford. She looked at him for a minute. His face was dark…not in color but in spirit. But as fast as he put himself in that mood, he pulled himself out of it faster.

They walked into the pub and she guided him to a booth near the back. It was a classic Irish pub from its dark wood bar and walls to the stone floors. There were a few locals seated around the bar and a few tourists at a longer table on the other side of the room.

"You drive us almost 2 hours to a pub?" He was confused but she smiled as the bartender approached their table.

"What can I get you folks?" The bartender, a man who looked older than he was, asked them in a roguish Irish accent.

"Two Guinness's please." She ordered for both. Griff was a bit taken aback by Brenda taking control. "We would also like today's special."

The bartender nodded and walked away.

"Should I be afraid to ask what the special is?"

A different bartender than the first brought their draft beers to them. "I heard you're having the special. Must be Americans." This man, who looked a lot like the first but spoke with a clear American accent, said before walking off.

Griff looked confused again until Brenda told him the story. "This pub was opened by two cousins. Billy Doyle from County Cork Ireland and Jimmy Doyle from Boston, Massachusetts. And every Thanksgiving they serve a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner."

Griff looked around at the surroundings and the people. He laughed and shook his head.

She raised her glass. "So, Happy Thanksgiving, Griffin Richmond Hawthorne."

And just as they clinked glasses, Griff's cell phone rang in his pocket. He didn't excuse himself from the table like she thought he would since it was clearly business. So she pretended to be checking out the rest of the pub and the other patrons. But she was listening closely to everything he said.

Just as he started to talk about meeting a buyer, the bell over the door rang and in walked a brunette woman with sharp black-rimmed glasses. A tug pulled at Brenda Leigh's heart. She didn't need her mind distracted by someone who clearly wasn't the woman who occupied her thoughts at night.

She didn't know when things changed. She loved Fritz and at one time she loved Will. But they had both wanted something out of her that she didn't want to give up. Sharon Raydor didn't want or expect Brenda Leigh to be anyone but herself. And Brenda loved her for that…yes, she loved her. A lumped formed in her throat with that thought. Sharon was also the first woman she was attracted to physically. Of course she thought other women were beautiful but it wasn't the same. And every night she ached to hear Sharon's voice, to hear that dreaded pen clicking, to hear her office door slam. Anything.

Jimmy Doyle brought out their dinner of roasted turkey, sweet potato casserole, roasted vegetables, cranberry sauce. Anything traditional at Thanksgiving, they brought it.

They ate, talked and drank for a few hours before heading back to London.

"Val?" Griff asked quietly.

"Yes?"

He paused before continuing. "Thank you for today. It means more than you could know."

"You're welcome. I miss home too and I thought you might as well and that it would be fun."

"It was. Thank you again."

She was focused on the road ahead of her but could feel his eyes burning into the side of her face. But just then his phone rang again.

He didn't even say hello. He knew who it was and what they wanted. "I'll have them there at 2100 hours tomorrow to pick them up. Same arrangements as last time. Two to carry over and one to drop." She could tell he was still looking at her as he talked. Forcing herself to not give any indication that she was listening, she looked around the countryside. "Next time, don't screw it up. I'll need 40 beans." He hung up.

Beans? She knew now that he was testing her.

As she stopped the car in front of his home again, he turned and took her hand into his. Her first reaction was to be disgusted by the gesture since she knew he had just made arrangements to bring his diamonds in and have their carriers killed. She just couldn't prove it yet.

"I have to host my most important buyers in Los Angeles in a few weeks. I'd be very honored if you would be my guest. And perhaps I can convince you to buy some of my diamonds as well." He smiled his trademark smile before kissing the top of her hand.

LA? She couldn't go back to LA. There was too much history there and too much room for discovery.

"Can I let you know in a few days?" He looked at her skeptical. "I need to make sure I don't have any scheduled appointments." He was happy with that answer and exited the car.

Laying in her bed a few hours later, Brenda's stomach was in knots. LA meant returning home. LA meant Brenda Leigh Johnson. LA meant risking exposure. LA meant Sharon Raydor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Had to throw a Sharon chapter in real quick.**

** Monkeytoez17 – I almost waited to send her but thought I better do it sooner rather than later. But be careful what you wish for. :)**

** Rococoms – I don't want this story to end any time soon so it's getting drawn out little by little. Hopefully it'll pick up in the next few chapters.**

**Thank you for all of the comments and reviews. They push me to make this story better.**

* * *

Lieutenant Provenza straightened his elf tie as he leaned back in his desk chair. The murder room was bustling early for the day before Christmas. He just wanted to get done and go home…not that he had anything to do really. He rolled his eyes and grumbled audibly when Captain Sharon Raydor purposefully marched into the room.

Her light grey blazer covered a deep green silk blouse. Once she took control of Major Crimes Division she tried to lighten her appearance so maybe she wouldn't appear so unapproachable. But when it was necessary, the black power suits went back on.

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the white board intently. They had a major case to solve and they needed it solved in a hurry.

"Tao, call Judge Bishop's office and get a court order. Flynn and Provenza will wait here until you have it." She ordered.

"That's not how we do it, Captain." Provenza practically spit the "Captain" part out.

It had been almost a year but they still didn't give her any credit. She put her hands on her hips and glared at the elder Lieutenant. "This is my show now, Lieutenant." She turned to enter her office…Brenda's office. "By the book." She reminded them before closing the door.

Sharon knew they were out there calling her every bad name they could think of. Normally it didn't bother her and she never let it show when it did. But today was different. Her body was overwrought with emotions. It had been months since she had gotten a good night's sleep. And even though she had vowed a long time ago to rid her mind of everything pertaining to Brenda Leigh Johnson…her heart didn't listen.

It was her heart torturing her at night.

She pulled open the top left desk drawer and removed a black folder. Gazing into the bottom of the drawer she pursed her lips at the silver puck shaped object. She put the foil wrapped treat in there the day she moved into Brenda's old office. It was Sharon's way of keeping a part of Brenda there with her. She looked at that stupid chocolate treat every day she felt herself coming undone. Today was one of those days.

Tao stuck his head in startling her and she slammed the drawer closed.

"Captain, we got it." He waived the court order.

Faster than she expected, the Christmas Eve case was closed and she sent her team home for the holidays. She stayed behind to finish up some reports she didn't want to deal with later. She may as well work. There wasn't anything to go home to but an empty house and a bottle of scotch.

Signing her name to the last of the reports, she clicked her pen closed as the door of her office swung open. And like a mirage, there she stood in her pink flowery knee length skirt and matching sweater. That black leather purse slung over one shoulder. Her pink colored lips slowly spread into a wide smile. A smile just for her. Brenda put her hand on her hip. "Surprise!" she said with a twinkle in her eyes.

Sharon blinked repeatedly as she shakily stood up to greet Brenda. She couldn't believe she was standing here in front of her. All she thought about was giving her a hug and now here she was.

Just as Sharon reached out to Brenda-her fingertips almost touching her, her telephone rang, pulling her from a deep sleep. She hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep until then. The dream had been so vivid. She stared longingly at the door where Brenda had just appeared in her dreams. She'd dreamed about her before but she had never gotten that close to touching her.

Before she could answer the ringing phone, it stopped. Huffing out a breath of air, she put her glasses back on, grabbed her purse and walked out of her office.

* * *

Captain Sharon Raydor hadn't taken any time off in the months since she'd taken over Major Crimes. So the last 4 days of the current year and the first 4 days of the upcoming year she was put on RTO, required time off. She knew she couldn't fight it.

Sitting at home twiddling her thumbs would be hell but she trusted her team. They were the best she'd ever worked with.

Later that night Sharon Raydor reclined back on her backyard patio lounge chair, staring at the stars in the sky and sipping a large scotch and water. She came in, put on a pair of black yoga pants and a grey LAPD sweatshirt, and rummaged in the bottom of her refrigerator for a pack of cigarettes she'd thrown in there months ago. She hadn't had the urge to smoke in years but this year she fought it every day. Today she gave in. And it felt good to pull the thick smoke into her lungs.

The dream earlier had cut her to her core. It had crossed her mind a few times to see the psychiatrist about this hold she allowed Brenda Leigh Johnson to have over her but decided against it. Somethings she just needed to keep private.

She smoked three Marlboro Lights before finally calling it a night and going inside. The scotch kept her warm in the cold darkness.

It was 2am when she exited the hot shower and crawled into her big, soft bed. Her body was exhausted and hopefully tonight she would be able to sleep. Turning on her side Sharon decided to try something a little different tonight. Fluffing up the other extra large pillow, she positioned it flush against her back.

As she closed her eyes, she imagined instead of that pillow, it was Brenda Leigh snuggled up against her back. Sharon had fought such thoughts for a long time but finally after realizing that she couldn't let Brenda go and that she probably wasn't ever coming back, she gave in. Her thoughts turned from friendship to romantic.

After her divorce, Sharon finally admitted to herself that she was attracted to women as well as men. But she had never acted on her feelings. And in reality, she hadn't wanted to act on them with anyone until Brenda Leigh. Sharon was focused on her career and being the best LAPD female captain. But then she met Brenda Leigh Johnson and her world, both professional and private, was turned upside down.

Sharon Raydor fell into a deep, satisfying sleep with the thoughts of Brenda Leigh cuddling her back.


	9. Chapter 9

**You may not know it by this story…at least so far…but Sharon Raydor is my favorite. I just wanted to put that out there.**

* * *

Brenda Leigh struggled within her own mind during the entire plane ride from London to Los Angeles. This job had put her in danger every day but that didn't disturb her. What caused her stomach to twist into double knots was the thought of being so close to reconnecting with _her_ yet being so far away. With skepticism she agreed to join Griff on his trip to LA because she knew it would put her deeper into his folds and she was getting closer and closer each day to what she needed.

Griff could tell something was bothering Valencia on the long flight. And Brenda had to come up with a story quickly so he didn't get curious. So she told him that she hadn't been back to Los Angeles since she had almost been murdered by one of her supposed loyal diamond sellers. The story almost backfired when Griff became visibly upset and immediately wanted to know who this person was and that he would take care of the situation. But Valencia assured him that she took care of the situation herself and guy would no longer be a problem for anyone. Satisfied with her response he let the matter go.

But going back to LA still made her uneasy. For more reasons than she could admit.

They flew in during the morning of New Year's Eve for the party Griff was throwing for his investors that night. Of course the details were already taken care of by the time they had arrived. G. R. Hawthorne's deep pockets were bottomless.

It was still mid morning when they arrived and headed to Griff's mountainside house in the Santa Monica Mountains. Of course he would live here. So close. He showed her to her professionally decorated yellow themed bedroom. It was gorgeous but not as gorgeous as the view overlooking the city. Her eyes immediately fixed on the area just at the base of the mountain. For 10 hours she told herself she wouldn't make herself visible during this trip. But now that she was here…

"Griff, I think I'd like to clear my head and get some air if it's okay with you." She wasn't asking permission necessarily but she couldn't be too forceful either. He had to know he was in control. Brenda learned in the last few weeks that Griff, while sweet and caring to her, was becoming more and more territorial.

He agreed right away but insisted that his driver take her.

The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf was all too familiar to Brenda Leigh. It had been a regular meeting place when she needed to discuss something with Captain Raydor that didn't need to be overheard at headquarters.

She didn't want to go there but she needed to. It had been too long. She wasn't even sure anything would come of it but she had to try. Even if for just a glimpse.

Sitting at the small table by the window, Brenda Leigh watched the traffic pass by outside as she waited for her dark chocolate café latte to be ready. Even though it was a bright, sunny but cool day in LA she kept her darkened Gucci sunglasses on for other reasons.

She sat there a good half hour before picking up the newspaper that was lying on the table in front of her. Fully immersed in a financial portfolio article, she didn't immediately see the tall, lean brunette walk into the establishment. But as the woman began talking to the barista, Brenda recognized that deep, rich voice instantly. Gasping behind the paper, her eyes were glued to the woman ordering at the counter. And she knew exactly what she was ordering – large, Earl Grey tea with milk and 2 sugars. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she wanted desperately to get up and greet the woman. But it took all she had to stay in her seat. It didn't take much to recognize that Sharon had lost weight since she had last seen her. Was the job causing her stress? A dread came over Brenda's body. Her leaving had put Sharon in the position she was in. It was her fault.

Sharon Raydor hadn't been in the CBTL in her neighborhood in over 8 months. But today she was drawn there and she had 5 more days until her RTO was over so there wasn't much else to do. She stopped going there a few months after Brenda left. Finding she was only going in hopes of seeing her, Sharon stopped torturing herself.

Sharon smiled softly at the young man who handed her the cup of tea. She still didn't know why she was there today. Taking a quick look around at the tables like she had always done, she didn't see who she was looking for. And just the realization that she was allowing herself to slide back into those old habits made her feel sick.

The captain shook her head and rolled her eyes. She was doing it again. Getting wrapped up in her missing friend. Turning on her heels to leave, she hurried past the tables lined against the window. Stopping mid stride, she was hit with the delicate yet unique scent she hadn't smelled in almost a year—Donna Karan's Cashmere Mist. She knew it instantly. Brenda Leigh Johnson wore it every day.

Brenda Leigh buried her head further in the newspaper. She couldn't risk being seen. She knew G. R. Hawthorne's driver was also keeping tabs on her per his boss's orders. He would surely report back any meetings or interactions Brenda had with anyone…especially if he found out it was an LAPD Captain.

But her heart ached to reach out-just to touch her arm, shoulder, something.

Sharon didn't see the blonde who invaded so many of her thoughts. The blonde who was causing Sharon to put her career at risk because her head wasn't always in the game. How dare her emotions take control without her consent! She stormed out of the coffee shop without looking back.

Brenda Leigh watched as Sharon Raydor took fast, purposeful, long strides down the sidewalk. Her heart broke as her friend rounded the corner and was out of sight. Bringing her almost empty coffee cup to her mouth, she tried her best to hide her quivering chin and lip.

* * *

G. R. Hawthorne knew how to throw a lavish New Year's Eve party. The modern glass house that he owned clung to the side of the Santa Monica Mountains like a snail clinging to a window. With spectacular views, it provided the perfect atmosphere for a party and for watching the midnight fireworks over the city.

Valencia Steele emerged from her bedroom at 9pm wearing a form-fitting apple red dress that danced at her knees and pushed her breasts to the limit. Her dark hair bounced free with loose curls. Of course she wore a breathtaking yet simple diamond necklace and earrings. Every eye in the room was on her as she entered the party. Taking a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter, she sipped it to calm her nerves.

Griff introduced all of his diamonds contact to Val Steele. The players weren't hard to identify from her previous intelligence. But it wasn't them she was after. He was her target. And it was good that he was starting to allow Valencia further and further into his world. It didn't bother him to openly discuss his business while she was in the room. But she still didn't have what she needed. She had to get him on the illegal diamond smuggling and murder.

She was, undoubtedly, prepared for the duration.

The party was soon in full force. It didn't take long before Brenda tired of the festivity. But it wasn't midnight yet and she knew it wouldn't be kosher to retire before then at least. She forced herself to dance twice with Griff. He was a good dancer. During the second she could tell he was just about to his alcohol limit as he held her close against his hard body. Thankfully, his friends or colleagues or whatever they were drug him off for more shots of something strong. She was finally left to herself.

Brenda stared out over the darkened city. Her mind drifted immediately. She couldn't help but wonder what Sharon was doing. Was she at a party? Was she on a date? Was she working?

Suddenly, Griff grabbed her upper arm spinning her around to face him. Startled, she almost choked on her own breath.

"Happy New Year, my darling." He leaned his head down and captured her mouth in a hot wet kiss. It was their first and Brenda was quite confused by the gesture. He had been taking his time making any kind of move towards a relationship but tonight he was different. Bolder. Demanding.

She pulled away as he deepened the kiss. Wiping the back of her hand across her red smeared lips, she saw a coldness in his eyes that she hadn't seen before.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked, softening immediately. She really did think he cared for Valencia. He didn't have many people he could or would share his life with.

"No. No. Just startled is all." Giving him a kind smile and a quick peck on the lips to reassure him, she excused herself and went to her room.

By 3am the house had emptied but Brenda was still awake. She heard Griff moving about the house. Stepping out of her room in a long black robe, she wanted to find Griff and apologize for leaving the party the way she did. If he got angry with her now all this would be for nothing.

The door to his office was open. She saw his darkened shadow pacing along the large windows. He didn't see her approach the room. But just as she was about to enter she heard him speaking. She then saw the small earpiece blinking over his left ear. Stepping quickly back around the door before he could see her, she waited…and listened to the phone call he was taking.

_They'll be brought in to Long Beach, Pier J. There will be 2. Take care of it then bring me the eggs._

She knew eggs was his code word for diamonds. His words still heavy from the affects of the alcohol.

_11pm. _

He stepped through the door just as she was turning to leave. Her eyes widened and heart raced when he caught her.

"Valencia?" He asked cautiously and curiously.

"Oh, Griff, I was just…just coming to apologize but didn't want to disturb your phone call." She turned to go but he grabbed her arm again. This time he squeezed harder than he should have but she didn't flinch. She watched as his eyes gazed over her body. He was drunk.

"Don't go." He ordered as he released her arm.

She watched him wobble on unsteady legs but her mind was processing the phone call she had overheard. This would be a break if she could get it. But she had to make contact with her liaison by the next night.

Brenda guided him to his room. As she sat him on the end of his bed, he gently reached up and traced the outline of her cleavage that was exposed just above the open collar of her robe. She pulled a quick breath into her lungs…not because she was turned on but because she wasn't sure how to get out of the situation. When G. R. Hawthorne wanted something he didn't stop until he got it. But he was her mark. She couldn't get that deep. It wasn't necessarily against the CIA rules but it was against the Brenda Leigh Johnson rules.

Pushing him back further on the bed, she stepped away. He laughed at her coyness.

"Lie down. I'll get a warm cloth for your face." She told him and he immediately did as he was told.

Brenda knew if she waited long enough he would be passed out before she returned and she was right. Within a few minutes, Griff was sprawled across his bed, snoring deeply.

Tiptoeing back to her own bedroom, she contemplated her next move. She had less than 24 hours to make contact with Stuart and she wasn't sure how to do that. Her connection to the CIA had ended months ago for an unknown reason but she wasn't giving up her mission. They picked her specifically for this job and she wasn't going to abort.

There was only one person in the world she could trust to help her.


	10. Chapter 10

Brenda Leigh slept maybe a total of an hour after the encounter with Griff. She had to move on the information she learned or the opportunity would pass by. G. R. Hawthorne was the best she'd ever seen and he knew very well how to cover his tracks.

It was still dark when she pulled herself out of bed. Her mind had been racing all night. Two people were set to die tonight and she had to stop it before it happened. But she needed help.

Rummaging through the dresser in her closet, she found the black leggings and pink sweatshirt she had packed for jogging. She only hoped Griff was still passed out from his drunken New Year's Eve party. She'd taken up running once she arrived in London. It was a way for her to clear her head and to take surveillance of G. R. Hawthorne before he approached her. But she found that she enjoyed it more than she thought she would. It was therapeutic. She had always busted Sharon Raydor's chops about her daily running addiction.

Brenda scribbled a quick note to Griff saying she went for a jog. She scribbled another note and stuffed it in the small pocket of her jogging tights.

Sneaking out of Griff's house at dawn was easier than she thought yet she still had a panicky feeling she was being watched. This would be the riskiest move yet. But it couldn't be avoided.

It only took about ten minutes to make her way up to Griffith Park. At this time of morning there wouldn't be many people there except local runners. She didn't see Sharon's car in the parking lot as she rounded the hill but knew…hoped…she'd see it soon. Brenda Leigh took a quick, fast-paced 15 minute jog through the trails. Some of the knots and tension finally released from her body.

Out of breath she finally spotted Sharon's car parked just at the entrance but didn't notice the brunette anywhere. Covertly taking the piece of paper from her pocket, she balled it up in her hand in case she had to throw it away in a hurry. She still wasn't sure that one of Griff's people weren't following her.

Continuing her run she slowed her pace as she neared the driver side of Sharon's car. With an exaggerated limp she fell lightly against the side of the car and pretended to wrestle something out of her running shoe. At the same time she maneuvered the wadded up piece of paper underneath the door handle without being conspicuous.

She could only hope now that Sharon would find the paper and read it. Her mind was racing again as she meandered her way back to Griff's house.

Sharon Raydor started running in college. It was time just for her where she allowed herself to think and contemplate her life's choices. After joining the LAPD she forced herself to continue her routine. It was free therapy.

She smiled to herself as she recalled how Brenda Leigh couldn't understand how she could give up perfectly good sleep for the physicality of laboring and sweating in the deep midst of nature. When they met at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf the times they needed to converse away from the confines of work, Sharon would arrive with her hair pulled up and in her jogging clothes while Brenda Leigh would be fresh faced with sleepy eyes.

But today, she was focused on something else. It was the first day of a new year. She had to get her head back into her own life and career. She had worked too damn hard for what she had and where she was to let the ghost of Brenda Leigh Johnson screw it all up.

As she stretched her aching calves and reached her arms high above her head, she let go of all the weight that held her down during the previous year. The sun cresting above the mountain warmed her beautiful face.

It was only 8am so she planned her whole day in her head. She had 4 days left on her RTO and she had a lot of housekeeping to do…both mentally and literally.

Brenda Leigh showered and changed into a pair of winter white slacks and a chocolate brown cashmere sweater. Her espresso colored boots elongated her already 5'5" height. As she wrapped a silk scarf around her neck and stepped out of her bedroom she was met head on by a clearly hungover Griff.

He looked her up and down with heavy lidded eyes. "Are you going somewhere?" He glanced at the watch on his wrist. "It's only…not even 8 o'clock."

Brenda watched his eyes narrow. "I'm going to get a cup or two of coffee then I'm off to Rodeo for shopping. I need to purchase a few things before heading back to London." Then she tested him. "I also need to do a little facetime with a few of my buyers."

"Henry will drive you."

"I'm perfectly capable of making my way around this city. I did it for years."

"Doesn't matter. Henry will drive you. I insist." He tried to lighten his statement with a smile.

But this time she didn't return it. She put her hands on her hips. "Fine."

Henry, a burly, bald bear of a man, chauffeured her to the coffee shop. Thankfully, he waited in the car when she went in but he made sure to park himself in line of sight of the front door and windows so that he could see the front door and most of the inside of the small shop.

Brenda ordered her large mocha latte and waited at the same window table she sat before. She knew Henry could see her and she wanted it that way. He couldn't get suspicious. Not yet anyway. She sat there nonchalantly reading the newspaper.

After stretching and cooling down, Sharon unlocked her car with the key fob attached to her running show. Gripping the silver door handle she felt something rough against her fingertips. Turning her head from left to right she looked around suspiciously as she pulled the paper from underneath the handle. She didn't see anyone but got in her car right away and locked the door behind her.

She still looked around the park as she unfolded the paper in her hands.

_CBTL 9am_

_-B_

Her stomach lurched into her throat. And just like that all the tension that she had released during her run was back with a vengeance. She held the paper in her hand for a long time. It was all flooding back now.

Sharon drove her sports coupe down the mountain a little faster than she should have but she had to get home and showered to meet Brenda. She shook her head at that thought. She never thought this would happen again. And the note was quite cryptic which caused her more concern.

Brenda saw Sharon's silver BMW pull into the parking lot so she made her way back to the counter and whispered something conspicuously to the barista as she tossed her cup in the trash. Turning, she went through the door labeled Restrooms and waited in the ladies room.

Sharon Raydor was nervous. She bit her lower lip so hard she thought it would start bleeding. Her mind had already decided Brenda Leigh was out of her life forever but now…out of nowhere she was back like a whirlwind. But wasn't that how Brenda Leigh Johnson did everything? Sharon chuckled to herself.

She hurried into the store and looked around for her blonde friend. But there were only two college guys in one corner and an older couple sitting at a table near the door. Looking at her watch she noted it was precisely 8:57am. Maybe she was early.

The barista tried to catch her eye but she was already digging for her wallet as she ordered her usual Earl Grey.

"Ma'am?"

She didn't pay attention to him so he leaned forward and asked again.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. Milk. Two…"

He pointed to the restrooms and widened his eyes.

Sharon eyed the closed door and took a deep breath. She suddenly got an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew that note from Brenda had been puzzling but now she was really getting concerned if she was to meet Brenda in the restroom.

She pulled down on the bottom of the dark grey jacket she wore over matching patching pants and a lavender silk shell. Her black heels clacked as she slowly walked towards the door that would open up to the one thing…the only thing…that she had allowed to consume her very existence.

The restroom door closed behind her cloaking her in silence and her own loud thoughts. The men's room was to her left and to her right…a mystery. Putting her open hand on the ladies room door, she gently pushed it open. And standing against the back wall with her back to the door was a woman…a woman whose body she knew all too well. The shell was different. The dark, short hair wasn't the same as that hard to tame, blonde mane but it was her.

"Brenda?" Sharon whispered softly.

Brenda Leigh Johnson quickly turned around. Her stern mouth slowly eased into a wide smile. She couldn't help it. Seeing Sharon again was like living her life again after almost a year. Being undercover allowed her to step away from the real world—the emptiness from her parents' deaths, the anger from her divorce, and the sadness from leaving the job she loved. But standing in front of Sharon again made her question her decisions.

They slowly closed the short distance between them but continued to stare at each other. Brenda bit her bottom lip and nervous stuck her hand out in front of her for a handshake.

Sharon tilted her head to the right and smirked. She gripped Brenda's soft hand in hers and pulled her old colleague to her body. Brenda's audible gasp practically echoed in the small room.

Before Brenda left they had never acknowledged a physical closeness but being apart seemed to bring their souls closer together and the embrace was natural. Standing there so close for several minutes they could feel each other's chests heaving.

Finally, Sharon stepped away. "What is this about?" She asked in her calm, even tone.

Brenda rubbed her forehead with her hand as she started to pace the floor. "I don't have much time." Sharon narrowed her eyes. "You have to listen and that's all. No one…no one can know about this."

Brenda Leigh could see the skepticism crossing by-the-book Sharon's face. "Please." Brenda pleaded softly.

Sharon Raydor crossed her arms over her chest. What had Brenda Leigh gotten herself into, she thought. "Ok." She agreed.

Brenda explained the story of the CIA, G. R. Hawthorne and the murder for diamonds plot that night. She didn't get into much detail because she couldn't risk being out of Henry's sight for too long. Sharon couldn't believe what she was hearing. But she couldn't, in all good consciousness, leave Brenda hanging out to dry.

"You should call Fritz. It's a federal issue now."

"NO!" Brenda shook her head ardently. She couldn't risk screwing up her surveillance now.

Sharon finally agreed to meet Brenda Leigh in Long Beach at 10pm later that night.

As Brenda profusely thanked Sharon and made her way to the door, Sharon grabbed her forearm and stopped her. Their eyes burned into each other.

"I've…" Sharon started. "It's good to see you, Brenda Leigh." She smiled that crooked smile that Brenda had missed so much.

Brenda swallowed the lump in her throat and managed a smile and nod in return before walking out the door. Sharon closed her tear moistened eyes. But before the door completely closed Brenda rushed back in and threw her arms around her friend.


	11. Chapter 11

Sharon Raydor sat in her car for at least 30 minutes. Her mind was all a flutter. After a year, she had finally been able to almost rid herself of Brenda Leigh Johnson's memory…or at least that's what she convinced herself. But then in about 15 minute's time, Brenda Leigh came back and turned her world upside down.

And she didn't come back and just say hello. No, not Brenda Leigh. She returned and asked Sharon to do the one thing she had always said she wouldn't. Break the rules.

Funny thing was…when Brenda asked her for help…she didn't hesitate. Letting her walls down was not something she had ever done before for anybody. Not her husband. Not her children. But this little spit of a woman made her throw out all hesitations, all rules, all reasoning.

Sharon agreed to meet Brenda at Harry Bridges Park near the Queen Mary at 10pm that night. That would give them enough time to plan their ambush of G. R. Hawthorne's men and hopefully save and capture the smugglers as well. Brenda hadn't had time to tell her the whole story but she got the gist of it. She only wished they had backup. And she wasn't sure Brenda realized the danger they would be in.

* * *

Brenda Leigh walked Henry up and down Rodeo drive for hours. By the early evening he was completely exhausted. After a little sweet talking, she finally convinced him to take a nap in the car while she met with her customers in the swanky hotel bar. Henry hesitantly agreed. He was under strict orders to keep his eye on her at all times.

She called Griff from her cell phone in the car so that Henry could hear the conversation and feel a little more at ease.

"I just wanted to let you know that I should be out of here by 10. If this deal goes through then you and I will have some celebrating to do." Griff wasn't immune to her flirting and eagerly accepted her late itinerary.

By the time she made her way into the hotel bar, making sure Henry hadn't followed her, it was almost 8:00. She ordered a glass of red wine and asked to use the bar phone. She wouldn't make it to Long Beach by 10 in LA traffic in a taxi now.

The deep voice answered on the first ring.

"Peninsula. Charleville side." Hanging up the phone, she hoped Sharon understood her message. Of course Sharon would understand her message.

Sharon clutched her phone in her fist and shook her head slowly back and forth. She'd have to hurry to Beverly Hills then race to Long Beach so they could get positioned early enough. She still couldn't believe she—they were doing this.

Surprisingly, it didn't take as long to get to Beverly Hills as she had thought and Brenda Leigh was waiting behind a brick wall when she pulled up. The trees blocked any light from the street so it would have been almost impossibly to distinguish Brenda Leigh from anyone else.

They rode in silence for a long time. As comfortable with one another as they had gotten a year ago, it all seemed so new now. And the hug they shared that morning made them both a little uneasy. Neither one was accustomed to showing such emotion especially with one another.

Finally Sharon broke the silence. "How did you get mixed up in this?"

Brenda Leigh thought for a second before answering. "I needed to get away. After mama and daddy died. And Fritz. And Stroh. I couldn't be objective anymore so I walked away. My liaison with the CIA contacted me and put me on this assignment." She looked out at the passing horizon. "I relished the danger. Being a new person." She swallowed hard. "But…"

"But what?" Sharon asked when Brenda didn't finish her thought.

"But after awhile I started missing my life. Brenda's life." She looked over at Sharon gripping the steering wheel. "My friends."

"Will this bust at Long Beach get you what you need?"

"No, but it's a start."

Sharon looked over at Brenda fidgeting in her seat.

"In my purse." Sharon nodded her head towards the backseat.

Brenda reached around and pulled the brown leather bag into her lap. Unzipping it, she saw a familiar orange and brown wrapper. Her smile spread across her face as she tore open the plastic, tore off the black paper cup and slid the whole peanut butter cup into her mouth. She moaned slightly in satisfaction which caused Sharon to whip her head around and stare in amazement.

"Thank you!" Brenda mumbled. Sharon smiled at hearing the true Brenda Leigh accent for the first time since they met this morning.

Brenda finished her candy and explained how they would apprehend the handlers once they took possession of the diamonds from the smugglers. It had to be fast because they wouldn't leave much time between the hand off and when the smugglers were murdered.

As Sharon parked her car near the Queen Mary attractions, she took a breath then told Brenda the one thing she knew she wouldn't want to hear.

"You need to call Fritz."

Brenda looked at her with confusion. "Why? Fritz is the last person I want to talk to."

Sharon cocked her head to the side. "This is a dangerous situation, Brenda Leigh. Not to mention that it's FBI territory."

Brenda knew Sharon was right. Sharon was always right. But she couldn't risk her cover being blown. A sharp pain settled to the bottom of her stomach. She wanted this one. But she hadn't thought about it clearly enough and that scared her. She reached into Sharon's purse again and pulled out a pen and paper. It took several minutes for her to scribble whatever it was she wanted.

Sharon watched Brenda's hands move feverishly. Those delicate hands were strong as iron yet soft as silk. And she was taken aback by how good they felt. Closing her eyes, she was drawn back to that morning when Brenda rushed back in and embraced her.

The paper was thrust in Sharon's direction pulling her back to the moment. "Here. These are the questions that the FBI needs to get answers for."

"Sooo?"

"Yes. Yes. Call Fritz. But I need these men caught and publicized. I need names and contacts and I need those smugglers held separately." Brenda exhaled. She absolutely hated giving up control. But this was a double-edged sword. And she had to pick her battles. This one she had to forfeit.

Sharon smiled as she took the paper from Brenda's hand. As their fingers lightly touched, their eyes met. Neither one wanted to break the hold. It was like they were looking into each other's souls. And in that moment Brenda knew it had been right to have the feelings she had for Sharon. But how would she explain it to Sharon or perhaps she wouldn't. She couldn't drop that information on her and then run back to London. It wouldn't be fair to either of them.

As Sharon called Fritz and explained the situation and anonymous tip she had received, Brenda called for a cab to take her back to the Peninsula Hotel.

Sharon sauntered up to Brenda who was standing under a tree waiting for her taxi.

"Will I see you again?" Sharon asked hesitantly. She knew after tonight Brenda would have to be more careful and could even go deeper in her cover.

Brenda shifted from one foot to the other just as her cab pulled up. "I hope so."


	12. Chapter 12

_**I'm glad you're liking this.**_

_**I'm enjoying writing it. Even though every time I start a new chapter I end up going in a totally different direction than what I set out on. But…oh well. Thank you for the reviews and comments. They make me write faster!**_

* * *

By the time Brenda made it back to the Peninsula Hotel it was nearly 11pm. She was already late but she couldn't follow all of Griff's rules. His territorial attitude needed an adjustment where she was concerned. Collecting her bag from the front desk where she'd left it earlier, she walked out confidently to the waiting car. Henry was still drowsy with sleep as she approached.

As Henry drove back to Los Feliz, Brenda checked her cell phone. She left the bag at the hotel on purpose as she was sure Griff could track her phone's GPS if he wanted. The phone indicated 3 missed calls and at least 5 texts from Griff. She shook her head while texting him back.

_I'm on my way back. Good news!_

It really would be good news if Fritz was able take down the handlers and the smugglers without anyone getting hurt or worse. She put her full faith and trust in Sharon even though it was hardest for Brenda Leigh to let go of control. But even apart, Sharon became Brenda's safe house.

Not knowing what to expect as she arrived at Griff's house, Brenda carefully opened the front door and tip-toed in. The house was completely dark except for a dim light from the kitchen. But immediately she saw his silhouette. He was sitting straight upright on the white leather sofa and staring out the picture windows overlooking the city.

She sat down beside him but he didn't look at her or say anything…just continued staring out the window into the dark LA night. Laying her hand on his leg, she could feel the tension radiating through his body.

"My deal is done. Two years. 350 diamonds a month. 750 million." She smiled trying to lighten the mood.

In one swift movement he grabbed her wrist and held it tight…too tight. She tried to pull away but he tightened his grip. Turning to look at her, his eyes were dark. It had been a long time since she had seen a man's eyes fill with such anger.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the table before him.

"You need to let me go." She said as calmly but sternly as possible.

"I don't _need_ to do anything. You were late." He spit. The booze heavy on his breath.

Brenda Leigh clenched her jaw. "No, I was past the time I told you I would probably be back by. And I don't have to check in with you anyway."

Her wrist was beginning to throb.

"You are my guest here, Ms. Steele."

Thankfully his cell phone rang and he released her. Wincing, Brenda Leigh rubbed her bruised wrist. Griff walked into his office without another glance her way. He was clearly inebriated which didn't give him an excuse to manhandle her the way he had.

As she walked to her room, she heard him yelling and cursing behind the closed door. She suspected his contact was telling him his exchange had been busted. He would, no doubt, want to get back to London as soon as possible.

* * *

It was 4am when Sharon Raydor walked out of the FBI headquarters. Fritz's team had easily apprehended all parties involved in the diamond exchange. The interviews of the 7 men and 3 women didn't do very well but she hadn't expected that they would. These people were professionals and wouldn't give up their contact even if they knew who it was. The smugglers evaded death, at least temporarily, but would probably be extradited back to their homeland where they would surely be put on another death walk if they were lucky.

Fritz hadn't questioned Sharon about her tip off. There hadn't been time-everything had moved so fast. She wished she'd been able to get her own team on this case but knew, logically, the FBI had more resources and she'd have to turn it over to them anyway. And technically she was still supposed to be on required time off.

As Sharon was dragging herself to her car parked in the visitor lot, she heard footsteps behind her. Reaching into her purse, she flicked off the safety strap on her gun holster. Being a high ranking official of a criminal division that delved deep into the criminal world, she knew she could easily be a target of any number of nefarious people. She wasn't scared but she was always prepared.

"Captain?" The voice behind her called out.

Turning on her heels, she raised her chin letting him know she wasn't backing away. "Agent Howard."

"I just wanted to say thank you. The FBI appreciates the tip." She raised her eyebrows above her dark rimmed glasses. "And…I appreciate it." He watched her run her tongue along her top row of teeth. It hadn't been easy dealing with Captain Raydor after his and Brenda's divorce and it was even harder after Brenda left. "Our personal relationship has not been favorable…"

"There is no personal relationship, Agent Howard. I was just doing my job as an officer of the law and as a citizen." She turned to go.

"Wait." He stopped her.

"I know Brenda Leigh was your friend. And I'm glad she had someone like you. But you can't blame me for everything. It wasn't all my fault." Fritz looked sad but believed what he said. Their marriage was a two way street and Brenda Leigh didn't put as much effort into it. He'd let it go before but after Phillip Stroh and her parents' deaths she wasn't the same person. And he refused to tip-toe around her and pretend everything was ok.

Sharon inclined her head and nodded twice. She was well aware of Brenda Leigh's own detriment to her marriage.

With a small smile on his face, Fritz extended his arm. She returned her own barely-there smile and shook his hand firmly. Fritz was a good guy. It just pained her to see the further torment Brenda put herself through after he left.

The silence between them stretched into several awkward, long seconds.

"Was it her?" His question was answered with a curious look.

"I can't reveal the source of an open investigation."

This time the smile spread across his dimpled face. Accepting her reply but knowing the answer he turned without another word and walked away.

Driving through the quiet downtown streets, Sharon let her mind wander. Her body was exhausted but her mind was amped up with adrenaline. She'd been up nearly 24 hours now but didn't want to go back to her empty house.

There was still an hour before dawn when she pulled thru the drive-thru at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. She couldn't bring herself to go inside. For one, she was too drained physically and for two, she would only be reminded of her meeting with Brenda Leigh the previous morning.

She thought about going for a run but wasn't sure if her body would physically make it so she took her $4 cup of tea and drove home.

The hacienda style 3 bedroom home was bigger than she needed but when she bought it 6 years ago, she expected that her kid would be living with her. Technically she was still part owner of the estate in Chatsworth that she bought with her husband when they first got married. And speaking of technically—she was still "technically" married to her husband even though they'd been separated, officially, for the last 7 years.

It never occurred to her that her son would choose to stay with his father who was rarely home and when he was home he was most likely in a drunken stupor. But she'd given him his choice. It was getting fewer and farther between when she saw him. He was 19 years old now and an adult but he'd wanted very little do with her anyway.

Collapsing onto her perfectly made bed, she threw her hands above her head and just laid there staring at the white ceiling. She'd always known that her professional wants and needs superseded her parental quality. It cut her to her core that she always put the job before her family. But she couldn't go back and change it now. Especially not now with her promotion and the diligence and dedication it took to run major crimes.

Which reminded her, she needed make a note to tell Sanchez to check any open murders near Pier J. She was afraid this diamond smuggling job could close a lot of their cold cases.

Pulling the pad of paper and pen from her purse, she clicked the end of the pen and started to jot down her reminder. But something already written on the page stopped her.

_I missed YOU -B_


	13. Chapter 13

_**There's been an idea in my head since I started this story that I couldn't do anything with until I saw the finale. I hope I can still work it in here and be at least partially believable. We'll see…and it won't be in this chapter but coming soon perhaps.**_

_**monkeytoez17: Oh they'll get back to the same place again. I don't know when or how yet but it's coming. ;)**_

_**rococoms: I'll admit it's getting a bit dark but I think you'll be happy with the outcome. Whenever that may be. Haha. But don't worry…I won't let her get hurt too badly. :)**_

* * *

By noon that day, Griffin had his plane fueled up and ready to go. Brenda could tell he hadn't slept at all and was in worse of a mood than he had been in when she saw him the night before. His face darkened by his disposition and by the thickened scruff he didn't bother shaving. The whites of his eyes were fire red and brooding.

Brenda wanted to try and at least see Sharon one more time before she left but she couldn't risk it. She couldn't put Sharon in any further danger than she already had. Swallowing her regret, she pulled the sleeve of her grey blouse down covering the bruises on her wrist that were getting darker and darker as she climbed the narrow steps of the private jet.

The flight was relatively smooth and quiet. Griff finally fell asleep a few hours after takeoff. Brenda, on the other hand, was wide awake. She unconsciously rubbed her bruised wrist. Before she realized it, she saw Henry watching her. She saw his eyes shift over to the sleeping Griff.

Henry silently stood up and motioned for her to join him in the back of the plane. She hesitated only slightly. By the time she joined him he had already started running the hot water in the bar sink and was bent over looking underneath the cabinet. Finally he emerged with a bottle of vinegar. Pouring a bit in a glass he filled the rest with the warm running water. Dipping the end of a cloth into the mixture he waited until it was fully saturated. He held out his huge hand and inclined his head. Henry was silently asking Brenda permission to her bruised wrist. She took a breath, pulled back her sleeve and offered him her hand. Gently applying the cloth over her skin he held her so softly.

His tenderness shocked her.

"This will help the bruising." He whispered. His voice not so gruff anymore but like he was talking to a child. Maybe he felt sorry for her? She didn't know. There was a lot of more of this story that she didn't know. Didn't know if she'd ever know. G. R. Hawthorne ran a tight ship. And he didn't let just anybody into his circle. And he certainly didn't just let anybody out either.

Brenda checked to make sure Griff was still asleep. The loud snoring indicated he was.

"Be careful, Miss Steele." Henry cautioned her before returning to his seat.

After a short nap of her own, Brenda woke to the pilot announcing their final decent into Heathrow Airport. She couldn't wait to get back to her flat and unwind herself from the trip to LA. Griff and Henry, grudgingly, dropped her off at her building.

As soon as she walked in her front door she sensed immediately that someone had been there. Her senses were on high alert. Brenda Leigh knew once she'd left her flat for any length of time, G. R. Hawthorne would have it bugged. He was a very smart man, she couldn't deny him that. And she was expecting in.

But with the smugglers getting caught in LA and now with her home being bugged, she'd have to set her next plan into motion quicker than she wanted. Hopefully it wouldn't be too late.

* * *

A week later, Brenda was thinking about every move she made before she made it. She hoped that old saying about paranoia didn't ring true. Because being paranoid was one thing. Being cautious was another.

Every night she laid in her bed in the pitch black darkness trying to see any kind of reflection or light to indicate the surveillance that she knew was there. But so far her efforts had been fruitless.

Turning over, she put her arm over the extra pillow beside her and hugged it tightly. She'd forgotten how lonely undercover work was. Closing her eyes the first vision that appeared in her mind was that of the most sophisticated woman she knew stepping into that ladies room at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf with first, a look of total confusion and finally, a look of pure happiness on her beautiful face.

Sharon Raydor wasn't one to show her emotions lightly. It took a long time for Brenda Leigh to be able to read the tiniest of reactions on the captain's face and body. And she was sure she was the only one who was able to. Captain Raydor was a unique creature.

Her breathing quickened remembering the feel of Sharon's arms around her. She still couldn't believe they'd let their guards down but something had changed between them in the year she'd been away. A closeness created through distance and time.

The feelings she had confused her. They were all so sudden and unexpected. She'd never thought about loving another woman. She didn't have a problem with it, it just never occurred to her. There had only been 3 men in her life that she truly loved: her father, Fritz and Will. So she wasn't that experienced in the whole "giving her heart to someone else" game whether it be men or women or both.

But when she thought about Sharon Raydor, she got the same feelings in the pit of her stomach that she got when she was falling in love with Fritz.

Brenda Leigh's eyes flew open as the throbbing between her legs pulled her attention from her thoughts. She hadn't been with anyone since Fritz and hadn't really thought about it. Work took precedence then and now.

Biting her lower lip, she couldn't turn off her reactions. The more she tried the stronger they got. Her hardening nipples ached underneath the white tank top she slept in. Suddenly the room became overwhelmingly hot.

In the complete darkness, she couldn't see an inch in front of her face but in one fast movement she yanked off the shirt. The cool air in the room did little to squelch the heat radiating from her body. Covering her exposed breasts with her hands only caused her body to ache more. She didn't realize how much she desired the touch of another person.

Turning from one side to the other she couldn't get comfortable. She had to satisfy her need.

"Oh for heaven's sake." Brenda exhaled into the pillow she had been clutching. Squeezing her breasts she felt the hard nipples rasp against her palms. The littlest touch felt so good. Blood was pounding in her ears as she worked her hands over her soft, sensitive body. Clamping her eyes shut again, her hands turned into Sharon's and it was then she was able to finally relax her muscles and let her body take over.

She watched with her mind's eye as Sharon's fingers brushed feather-light touches down her arms. Her belly quivered as those nimble fingers burned a trail along her hip. Just imagining another woman…this woman touching her brought every sensation to the surface. Rolling onto her side again and as one hand flicked the tip of her nipple back and forth her other slid along the band of her grey boy shorts.

Just as Sharon's hand was inching closer to her center, another cold hand pressed into her back. With all thoughts of Sharon flying out of her mind, Brenda tried leaping to the other side of the bed but her legs got tangled in the sheets.

Someone else was in her room. She could feel their presence but couldn't see them. The cold hands grabbed for her again, this time clutching both her wrists. Squinting her eyes she tried to see them. The body, heavy and strong, forced her onto her back with her hands captured above her head.

As he kneelt over her, she smelled him. It was Griff.

"I had a feeling you needed some company." He whispered in her ear. His scruffy face grated across her cheek.

She realized then that he had been watching her and watching her from somewhere close enough to get to her within minutes. Her fantasy hadn't been that long. Her heart was pounding.

"I've been wanting this for a long time." Griff drug his opened mouth across her throat.

Any and all sexual desire she had been feeling a few moments ago were gone.

"Let me go, Griff." She breathed.

Tightening his grip, she felt her already bruised wrist start to ache again. "No! You are mine." He thrust his hard length into her leg sharply to show his control. She knew this day would come but didn't imagine it like this.

He was far too strong and she was pinned down just enough that she couldn't fend him off. _Think, Brenda Leigh, think!_

Just as he grazed his teeth along the top of her breast, she thought of something. "Wait! Griff, wait. Please." She struggled beneath him and felt him lift off her a bit. "Wait. I…I don't want our…our first time to be like this. Not…not like this. Please." She was begging softly. "I've been wanting this for a long…long time too but…please. Not this way." She lied.

Griff released her hands and rolled off of her. She still couldn't see him very well in the dark. "My house tomorrow night." He ordered.

She didn't let out the breath she had been holding until she heard him zip his pants and close the door behind him as he left.

Pulling the covers to her chin, she sat shaking for a long time as the tears flowed down her face. If this had happened in LA she could have run to someone who would have helped her.

But now there was no one.


	14. Chapter 14

_**I hope this works the way I want it to and I don't screw it up!**_

_** Mcdonnellfan: thanks for the awesome comment! Griff gives me the creeps too. At first I wanted him to be a good guy but then he turned on me and now I don't know where he's going. :)**_

_** Docile boy: thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm enjoying writing it. **_

_**I really am having a good time writing this story because it gives me something to do on days when I need my mind to wander somewhere else and I adore all of these characters. I hope I haven't lost many of you because of the detail and the storyline. I don't want to end this anytime soon so I'm trying to keep it going without bogging down too much.**_

_**Please let me know what is working for you and what isn't. Your comments really do inspire me. Thank you! -T**_

* * *

It was the first day back on the job after her required time off and her desk was covered in endless stacks of paperwork. But truth be told, she was happy to get back into action. Sitting at home and wondering and worrying about a certain person was starting to wear her down. For the beginning of a new year, it was relatively slow. She watched her crew…it still felt odd to call them _her_ crew…through the blinds in her office. They were discussing and working through a cold case.

Then a knock sounded at her door and in stepped Special Agent Fritz Howard. She hadn't seen him since that night after the smuggling bust.

"Agent Howard." She took off her glasses and laid them on top of a pile of papers in front of her.

"Captain." He gestured towards the door. "May I?" She nodded and he closed the door behind him.

Before he said anything else he also shut the blinds to the rest of the office so no one could see in. Undoubtedly, the team had turned their attention on the shielded windows. Their curiosity always got the best of them.

Sharon narrowed her eyes as Fritz closed all of the blinds slowly and meticulously. Finally he sat down in the chair in front of her desk. A grave look of concern shadowed his face. Resting his elbows on his knees he leaned forward and scrubbed his face in his hands.

Still she waited with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Sharon." His voice cracked. Her head instinctively tilted to the right. Fritz had never called her Sharon before and he especially would not at work. The tone of his voice, just from the one word, caused her heart to beat faster. "Do you know where Brenda is?" It cracked again.

"No, I don't." He tried to gauge if she was lying. "Really, I don't know." She insisted. She could tell he believed her. He'd have to. She honestly didn't know where Brenda was. Then she remembered. "Wait. London. That's all I know." Sharon put her hands up with her palms out.

The time Brenda Leigh and Sharon had spent together recently had been cloaked in secrecy and urgency. She recalled the abbreviated story Brenda told her about the diamond job. But Brenda hadn't revealed much of anything obviously. She mentioned she'd been in London the last year but that was about it.

The skepticism returned to his face. "You talked with her? When?"

"I saw her a few days ago. She's deep in a job."

"The CIA again? Dammit, so it was her the other night!" He threw himself out of the chair and started pacing the room.

She had to admit to herself that he had her worried now.

"Have you been following up on Phillip Stroh?" Still pacing, he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Stroh?" She shook her head back and forth. She hadn't heard that name in years. "No, that case was closed a long time ago if you'll recall."

He stopped at the edge of her desk and took a deep breath. "He turned state's evidence…"

"He's out!?" Her voice was loud and sharp. "How is that possible? He murdered young women and he tried to..." she swallowed the lump that quickly formed in her throat, "kill your wife."

Fritz waved her off. "I don't know. I don't know. I just know he turned, they put him in WP and…"

He stopped and she waited for him to continue but he didn't. "And what?" She asked more evenly than she thought she could given her insides were a mess. He was being so aloof and her main concern was for Brenda. What did this have to do with her? What wasn't he trying to tell her!?

"They've lost contact with him."

She felt the blood drain from her face. "Sooo…" Her brain was trying to put the pieces together. "Some judge put a murderer into witness protection and now his appointed liaisons have lost contact with him?"

Fritz just stared at her. "Do you think he'd go after her?"

In an attempt to hide her fear, she put her glasses back on her nose. "I think Phillip Stroh is a dangerous man. Do I think he'd go after her? Yes, I think that's a great possibility."

The pacing started again. "We have to find her."

Sharon quietly pulled open the left desk drawer and stared at the foil wrapped treat in the bottom. She still hadn't taken it out. It kind of comforted her when she least expected it. "I'll find her." She pushed the drawer closed again.

He curtly nodded his head and started to open the door. "I'll send you all the information I have." He opened the door to leave. "Be careful." Fritz knew if anyone could find Brenda, Sharon would be the one. They had a bond that he didn't understand. Hell, for years he thought they hated one another but once they learned each other they became a dynamic duo of sorts.

After he left she blew out a long slow breath then picked up her office phone and dialed a number from memory. "Gus, I need a favor. A big favor."

Two long hours later, she had changed, packed a suitcase and was waiting for Gus at Van Nuys airport. She just hoped she wasn't too late.

A tall middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair walked up to Sharon with big smile on his face. He didn't say anything before wrapping his arms around her in a big hug. She returned it with just as much gusto.

"It's been a long time." He said.

"Yes." She agreed simply.

Taking her bags he led them to the long-range Gulfstream jet parked at one of the gates. As he followed her up the steps he explained that since this arrangement was such short notice that he wouldn't have a flight attendant on board but would have a co-pilot. He showed her to all the amenities on board before making his final pre-flight checks.

A few hours into the flight Sharon pulled out her iPad and used the plane's wifi to try getting in touch with her contact at the police department in London. She cautioned Fritz about circulating Brenda Leigh's picture around because if her cover was broken without her knowing what was going on, Brenda's life would certainly be over.

Looking at her watch, she determined it was early evening in London so she texted her trusted contact and waited for a response.

There was only one thing on her mind as she stared through the windows into the clear blue sky. She knew Brenda Leigh was more than capable of taking care of herself but if she didn't know what was coming at her she wouldn't have a chance. Sharon was a strong woman and didn't scare easily but this scenario scared her to death.

Her phone rang startling her out of her daydream.

"Hello." She answered in her always professional, even tone.

_Sharon! _

A small smile appeared. "Lila. Hello. I'm sorry to bother you this late. Can you talk?"

_Of course. _

Lila Browning and Sharon Raydor met more than 30 years ago as two young female cops trying to make it and succeed in a man's world. Both passed the tests and worked their way to two of the highest positions in their respective departments.

Sharon explained the situation with Brenda to Lila over the phone. She stressed it had to be just between them for Brenda's safety. Lila understood and promised to help all she could and would start before Sharon landed.

With a late nights and hard work ahead of her, Sharon slept the rest of the way on the plane. The timezone difference would be hell but if all worked out then it would be worth it. She'd sacrifice anything…for her.


	15. Chapter 15

**_You're right, normally you can't use cell phones on planes. On private jets it's a little more accepted and is usually up to the captain or pilot. And not many people tell Sharon Raydor she can't do something :)_**

* * *

Brenda hadn't heard from Griff since he broke into her flat. She used whatever she could think of to get him off of her. It was the closest she'd ever come to…well she talked her way out of it anyway. It took all her training and expertise to also figure out a way to get out of the promised date they had in less than 24 hours. She would have never broached such a task anywhere else but in the CIA you did whatever you had to for the job. If it meant putting your personal judgments aside then so be it.

Shortly before the evening Brenda tried calling and texting him to see if the schedule was still the same. She hoped it wasn't. She needed more time. But still there was no answer.

As she put on her coat to walk to the café, Henry appeared at her door step with a note and single red rose.

He pushed the objects to her and with knowing eyes said, "Mr. Hawthorne sends his regrets."

Brenda took the piece of paper and flower. Flipping open the folded note card she read:

_A last minute, unavoidable situation has arisen._

_I must , regrettably, postpone our most delicious appointment._

He had signed his full name like he would any other document. His words may have been flourished but his writing was cold and hard just like the man himself. She put the items on the small table by the door and continued into the hallway. Henry still hadn't said anything else but she was sure he knew her home was bugged.

"Would you like to join me for a tea, Henry?" She asked as she locked the door.

By the uncertainty in his eyes, she could see he was conflicted. He knew more than he was letting on and he wanted to tell her something she was sure especially after their encounter on the airplane. But she wouldn't push him. If he wanted to tell her he would.

Henry didn't answer her question as he accompanied her on the elevator to the lobby. He held the door open for her. "I have to get back to the house." He gave her a curt nod and headed in the opposite direction to the car.

The windows were limo tinted but when he opened the driver door the light shined into the car and for a brief second she thought she saw a shadow in the backseat. Turning towards the café she didn't make any indication that she saw anything…if she really did. Was G. R. Hawthorne setting her up?

She didn't hear anything from him the next day either. Her intuition radar was on high alert. He must be making a move and she needed to be there. That's the only way she would be able to take him down.

* * *

The private jet landed in London during the early morning hours. Sharon didn't know what time it was. She'd forgotten how disorienting a transcontinental flight and time difference was. But it didn't take long to get her sea legs and get moving.

Pope hadn't liked her taking a personal leave and was quite shocked when she put in for it immediately. But it was granted. Why wouldn't it be? They couldn't afford to lose another leader of Major Crimes at this point.

Sharon let Lila Browning know she had landed and they agreed to meet in Hyde Park later that day. She hoped she wouldn't have to get Lila involved but needed to have a contact in her back pocket in case she did. She'd made a lot of notes on the plane but they'd have to wait. She needed a tea. A hot, soothing tea.

She remembered a small café she frequented on a previous stay in London. It was quite quaint and quiet. She needed the quiet to get her head straight.

* * *

Brenda woke later than usual and still groggy. She hadn't been sleeping well especially after _he_ broke into her apartment. And it was very uncomfortable trying to live a normal life when she knew he was watching her at any given time.

The tables had turned. She was now the hunted instead of the hunter.

Dressing in a fashionably expensive suit, she put herself together like any other incredibly wealthy, business woman. The deep red wool suit was fitted for warmth but also for power. It accentuated her curves perfectly and yet didn't make her appear cheap or dowdy.

It didn't take long for her to make her way to the café. This time she didn't go expecting to meet with her mark. Today she just needed a cup of coffee. A very strong cup of coffee…maybe two.

Brenda wasn't sitting at her table more than five minutes before G. R. Hawthorne made his presence. He was dressed in a crisp black suit with a light grey sweater underneath. His dark hair perfectly tossled. She didn't acknowledge him until he approached her table with his drink.

As he sat down she tried to read his body language for any new information but all she saw was the red of his eyes. He apparently wasn't getting much sleep either. Was he spending all his time watching her? But why?

She put on her best smile and charm. "I was disappointed by your note yesterday." She sipped her coffee to hopefully hide any disgust that her face may accidently give away.

He lowered his head. She couldn't tell what he was projecting. Shame? Disappointment? As she was spending more and more time with him she began to realize just how disturbed he was. This was becoming not just a diamond smuggling/murder case. It was much deeper. This man was disturbed more than anyone…almost anyone she'd ever encountered.

Waiting for him to reply she looked up as the bell above the door rang indicating someone had walked in. In a split second her breath hitched and her mouth was void of any moisture. Looking back at Griff, she made sure he hadn't noticed any change in her demeanor. He, thankfully, was staring out the window and into the street.

Brenda couldn't figure out what was going on. Was this some kind of dream or figment of her imagination? Or some sick joke? Maybe she'd been thinking about her so much that she was starting to manifest herself into everyone Brenda saw.

She watched the familiar, tall brunette do a double take upon seeing her. At that moment Griff took Brenda's hand into his. She hoped he couldn't feel her hands shaking. Sharon straightened her back and walked to the counter to order her tea.

Sharon didn't believe in cosmic forces or fate but something brought her to _this_ café today. She had to be careful to not break Brenda's cover. Her heart was beating three times its normal speed as she accepted her coffee and sat quietly at the table behind Griff. He couldn't see her but Brenda Leigh could. She only hoped her presence didn't throw Brenda off her game. Everything in her mind was working at warp speed.

Mindlessly flipping through a local newspaper, Sharon pretended to be any other patron but listened intently on what was going on at the next table. Each time she peaked above the top of the paper, she could see the masked confusion in Brenda's eyes. She knew this man couldn't see it but she could. She knew her too well.

"Dinner this evening. I have a business associate…I'd like for you to meet." Griff was still holding her hand but she didn't hear what he said.

Brenda shook her head. "I'm sorry. What?"

He wrinkled his brow. "I'd like for you to come to dinner tonight. I have an associate in town and perhaps you can make his acquaintance."

"Dinner would be lovely…although I was hoping it would be just the two of us." Tilting her head to the side she bit her lower lip. She knew how to turn on the charm.

She saw him swallow hard. "I'll see if that can be arranged." He winked. Yes, the old charming Griff was back. But his moods turned on a dime. Brenda would never forget how he appeared out of nowhere in her bedroom.

"I'll have Henry fetch you at 8." Griff pressed his lips to the back of her hand then stood up and shrugged into his coat.

Brenda raked her fingernails down the length of her neck and raised her eyebrow. "I can't wait."

Without another word he was gone.

Sharon flopped the paper down on her table but Brenda put a hand up stopping her before she could say anything. Brenda's eyes trailed after G. R. Hawthorne as he walked slowly across the street to his waiting car. He turned back and with the hand she raised to stop Sharon she wiggled her fingers in his direction.

She saw the small smile on his face before he slid into the backseat of the car.

Brenda Leigh picked up her coffee cup and blew on the now tepid liquid. "Don't say anything yet." Brenda said to Sharon from behind her cup. From there he wouldn't be able to see her lips move.

Sharon quickly picked up the "game." Looking down at the paper before her she asked with quiet concern, "what have you gotten yourself into?"

Brenda watched Griff's car pull away and drive off slowly. She knew he was still watching but she was sure he didn't have anyone planted inside the practically empty café. He seemed to be having one of his good days…if you could call any days with him good.

"Why are you here?" Brenda asked Sharon after she was certain Griff was gone.

"I asked you first!"

* * *

_**This isn't really how I wanted them to meet up but I was tired of them not finally meeting again…if that makes sense. Like I've said before, I don't have much control of these characters…yes, weird, but I know some of you know what I mean…I had to take control back with this chapter or it would have gotten too far out of hand and it was for sure headed that way. **_


	16. Chapter 16

Brenda gave a small laugh. "Thought it was a simple smuggling/murder case. But now I'm not so sure. It goes deeper. I just don't know how deep." They got into a comfortable conversation like they'd never been apart.

Sharon picked up her cup and moved to the empty seat across from Brenda. It was still warm from Griff sitting in it before her.

"That guy…" Sharon motioned with her hand.

Brenda shook her head and looked around nervously. He had her so paranoid. "He's dangerous. And…getting more so every day. I don't know if he's bipolar or schizophrenic or what."

Sharon saw something flash across Brenda's face that disturbed her. "Has he hurt you?" She asked slowly and deliberately.

"I have to close this case soon." She didn't answer Sharon's question. "I think tonight I should be able to infiltrate a little more. We have a dinner date and I think I can plant a bug. I hadn't wanted to because he's very methodical and paranoid already. But I think it's my only option now." Brenda kept talking. She didn't want Sharon to ask any more questions that she had to avoid. "I can't hang around long. He's always watching me."

Sharon narrowed her eyes. She hadn't realized until now how deep Brenda had gotten herself but it was swiftly becoming evident. All she wanted to do was help her get out of this mess and get back to LA and a normal life. But then it hit her that life hadn't been the same since Brenda Leigh left. As cliché as it was there was a dark cloud hanging over Sharon ever since.

She couldn't deny the feeling she got when she walked into the café and saw Brenda sitting there. It was like something out of a movie.

"Where does he live? I need to know in case…" Sharon didn't want to think about any in case situations but she had to be logical with a man this dangerous. And she didn't waste any time. She was well aware of how quickly things could turn dangerous or even deadly.

Brenda quickly wrote down Griff's address and her own. She also explained how he had her apartment bugged. As much as she didn't want involve Sharon in any of this, she knew she had to. For her own safety. It was getting too creepy now. She didn't mention the break in.

Brenda laid her hand on Sharon's arm and looked into her green eyes. She'd missed this…the camaraderie for so long. "Thank you." It was the sincerest Sharon had ever heard her.

Sharon shrugged. "What are friends for?"

* * *

Sharon couldn't tell Brenda about Stroh. Not yet. It would just be another distraction and she didn't need that right now. Sharon hoped she wouldn't regret her decision. And she really hoped Brenda Leigh wouldn't hold it against her. Because just the few short minutes they got to sit together and talk was worth it all.

For the rest of the day, Sharon scoped the area around the addresses Brenda had given her. She needed to familiarize herself with Brenda's surroundings if she was to be any help at all. But she couldn't help thinking about _her._

* * *

Henry promptly knocked on Brenda's door at 8pm. She wore a stunning turquoise dress that fit her like a glove. In her mind, Brenda knew she had to get the information she needed tonight if she wanted to break this case. And it would take a lot of old fashioned charm and seduction for her to get it and she planned on getting what she needed any way possible. Even if it meant lowering herself to depths she had said she never would.

Henry was quiet but seemed more on edge than usual. He didn't say anything as he helped her into her coat and proceeded to the waiting car.

Brenda didn't engage him in useless conversation this trip. No, she needed to concentrate on the task at hand. Tonight would make or break it all for her. After today's surprise visit with Sharon Raydor, Brenda had more confidence in her abilities. For the first time she felt like her old self again.

A tiny laugh escaped her rosy lips. It shocked her how much she wanted to get this night over with and hopefully be able to sit down and have a longer conversation with Sharon. She couldn't help but feel the need for companionship. And just seeing her sitting right across from her, being able to smell her perfume, was almost too much to bear. Sharon Raydor consumed her nightly dreams and finally after all this time they had finally come true.

Henry stopped the car in front of Griff's home and opened the door. It had started raining along the route so he extended a large black umbrella above her head and she walked along the cobblestone walkway to the door.

Before she could knock on the heavy dark, wooden door, Griff pulled it open from the inside. She expected him to be dressed in his finest clothes as he was trying to impress her. But tonight he wore a pair of wrinkled black jeans and a loose grey button up shirt. The shirt was untucked and hung haphazardly on his slumped shoulders. His usual purposefully mussed hair was standing every which way and his face had a deep shadow. The whites of his eyes were blood red again.

"Is this a bad time?" She asked looking him over again.

He only shook his head and grabbed her wrist pulling her into the foyer a little harder than he needed to. She stumbled slightly in her Manolo pumps but quickly righted herself.

"Griff?" She asked again.

And again he didn't say anything. Her internal receptors stood on end now. Even when he bruised her wrist in LA and almost forced himself on her in her apartment, he was never this dark. Only now was she truly scared for her life. As he continued to grip her wrist, her eyes scanned the room. She needed to know where every window and door was in case she needed an escape. And where every available object that could potentially be used as a weapon.

Finally he started dragging her towards the dining room. She turned back and saw Henry over her shoulder. The look on his face was pure confliction. Her eyes pleaded with him to stay away. She couldn't risk him getting in between herself and G. R. Hawthorne if something were to happen. And something was certainly going to happen.

Griff kicked open the double doors of the dining room and all of the air left Brenda's body like she had been punched in the stomach.

"Hello…Chief. Well I guess it's not chief anymore, is it, since your…what did they call it…retirement?" He laughed a sinister, gravelly laugh. "We should be on a first name basis by now…don't you think?"

She couldn't believe it. The last person in the world she thought she would ever see again was sitting at the far end of the long elaborate dining table. He sat back and slowly polished the silver utensils with a cloth napkin not because he needed to but because it was there.

"Cat got your tongue…Brenda?" That smirk. That smirk that haunted her dreams at night.

It's not that she couldn't find the words. She couldn't make her brain make her mouth work.

The throbbing around her wrist made her realize Griff still had her clutched in his grasp. He easily pulled her further into the room and pushed her into the dining chair at the opposite end of the long table.

"I like the brown hair, by the way. It doesn't make you so…bitchy."

"Why…why…why aren't you in prison?" Her voice finally found her. She hoped she was in the midst of a bad, evil dream. Because before her was the only person who had ever brought her to her knees. Her heart was beating out of her chest and she could feel the heat rising up her neck. It took a few minutes but Brenda Leigh finally composed herself enough to start putting the pieces together. Her eyes darted back and forth between G. R. Hawthorne and…Philip Stroh—the man she should have killed on her kitchen floor so many years ago.

Stroh shrugged his shoulders as he stood up and walked over to the windows and quickly glanced behind the curtains and into the dark, wet London night. He then slowly made his way to where Brenda was sitting. He bent over and whispered in her ear. His hot breath sending chills down her spin. "What can I say…your husband's…" She flinched. "Oh that's right. I'm sorry. Your ex-husband's friends cut me a deal. And here I am. Surprise!"

"I always knew you had a partner." Griff was still clenching her wrist so she couldn't get up or away.

She felt Stroh smile against the side of her face. "Aren't you the clever one? Now, I get the ultimate prize. You will be at my mercy…finally." He wrapped his cold hand around her neck. "And when I slowly, painfully, end your life…I'll enjoy every second of it."


	17. Chapter 17

Sharon Raydor had an uneasy feeling all day. Staying cooped up in a hotel room was not an option when Brenda could quite possibly be putting her life in jeopardy. She walked for what seemed like hours. The cold, wet London night chilled her to her bones but on she walked eventually ending up across the street from the address Brenda gave her that morning.

Most of the lights in the three story old-world stone building were lit but she couldn't see any figures moving around behind the heavy curtains. Sitting atop a short stone wall, she pulled out her cellphone and checked for any new messages.

* * *

From behind her, Philip Stroh unwrapped the silk scarf from around Brenda's neck and handed it to a nervous G. R. Hawthorne.

"You were right; I'll give you that. I had a partner in LA and London and Las Vegas and…well the list goes on. Griffin did all the…let's say…dirty work."

"How did you find me?" Brenda asked as her eyes darted quickly around the room.

"There's no need to look for an escape. There isn't one." And with that Griff tied her wrists tightly together with the scarf. "I always know how to find you. I'm under your skin, Brenda." He slowly pronounced each letter of her name.

She felt a chill slide down her spine. He was right. He was under her skin and she put him there. Allowed him there.

"Once you…retired…I knew you couldn't resist the job and especially not the CIA. Oh…and your friend, Stuart," Stroh grimaced. "He met with a harrowing end."

Stuart was the first person in the CIA who took her under his wing and taught her everything he knew. He saw the potential in her right away and encouraged her to push her limits far beyond what she thought she was capable of.

With a start, Stroh jerked her body out of the chair and forced her down the hall and up the stairs. She stumbled the whole way but he never let her go. Griffin bound ahead of them and opened one of the doors at the top of the stairs. Stroh wrangled her inside and forcefully threw her small body onto the bed. As much as she fought back she was still no match for him.

As she tried to crawl to the center of the large bed, Stroh grabbed her by her dress. The thin blue sheath ripped like tissue paper and Brenda was left huddled on her knees in the bed wearing nothing but her bra and panties.

Instinctively she covered herself as best she could but knew it would do no good. Again she searched for an escape but with Stroh on one side and Griffin on the other there was no way out. As each of the men tied her arms and legs to the bedposts, Brenda's body went limp in response.

But her mind went to the one place that was always the safest. In her mind, Sharon Raydor was standing in the doorway of Brenda's office with her hands on her waist and a barely-there smile that only Brenda Leigh could decipher. Her eyes took in the whole form.

She knew Sharon...the public Sharon…the Sharon who had a scar across her right hand…the Sharon whose eyes burned deep green when something angered her…but she hadn't gotten a chance to know the private Sharon. Brenda's heart broke a little knowing that now she never would.

Her body was being stretched and pulled across the bed in an almost unbearable fashion. Her shoulders and hips burned with tension. Her skin crawled as Stroh ran a cold finger up her bare stomach and over her satin black bra.

She stared deep into his dark, cold eyes searching for something…anything that could help her. But it was like staring into an abyss. Never in her career had she met someone so callous and coldblooded. Until this minute she had never wished she had killed him on her kitchen floor that night so long ago. She didn't want his head blown across her wall in front of a young boy but if she had it to do over again she gladly would and deal with the consequences later.

Brenda didn't hear what was said. The blood and adrenaline were ringing in her ears. But she heard Stroh say the word "first" then on her left she saw Griff hurriedly stripping out of his clothes. The lump in her throat nearly shut off her air supply. Every muscle in her body tensed in anticipation of the worst violation she could imagine.

As Griff's rough hand touched her bare thigh and tore her lace panties off of her Stroh reached into the waistband of his pants and pulled out a gun. Immediately he aimed and fired point blank.

Brenda Leigh Johnson let out the most blood-curdling scream as Griff's lifeless body collapsed on top of her then slid off the bed onto the floor . She had never given over to her emotions before but she was now incapable of being rational. Her body was in fight or flight mode.

* * *

As Sharon stood up to walk back towards her hotel, she read one more message. But before she could finish, a single gun shot followed by a piercing scream filled the quiet empty streets. Her head and eyes immediately turned towards the residence across the street. She knew Brenda was in there and even though she'd never heard another human being scream that way, she knew that was her.

Her heart was beating in her throat as she raced across the street. Pushing open the front door she impulsively grabbed at her right hip for her weapon but quickly realized it wasn't there. Here she was a civilian.

She didn't know why but her body immediately bound up the staircase before her. Adrenaline and fear carried her almost to the top before another fired gunshot stopped her in her tracks. Sharon Raydor gasped for the air that had just been sucked out of her lungs.

Catching her breath, she climbed the last few stairs and went in search of the shots. She had to find Brenda Leigh whether the outcome was good or bad. She hoped like hell it wasn't bad.

Only one door was open and she could see movement inside. As she rounded the doorway she saw a burly bald guy standing over the bed. Her eyes dropped to the tiny figure in the middle of that bed. She'd never seen Brenda look so small and vulnerable.

As the man loomed again, Sharon heard herself yell, "Stop!"

The man was startled and jerked his gun around and aimed at the doorway and right at Sharon's forehead.

Before he could get a shot off, Brenda pushed his arm away with the one free hand he had just untied. "NO!" Sharon spun back into the hall as the bullet splintered the door frame above where her head had been. "Henry, she's my…friend." Breathlessly, Brenda informed Henry.

Henry untied the rest of the bindings that held Brenda Leigh down as Sharon cautiously stepped back into the room. It was only then that she noticed the two lifeless figures crumpled on the floor. But it wasn't them she was concerned with. Only one thing concerned her and she was huddled, naked on the bed.

Sharon rushed to Brenda's side, taking off her coat and wrapping it around a shivering Brenda. Putting her arms around her, she held Brenda close and tight. Under any other circumstances this could be considered something else but right now it was a friend comforting another friend in their time of need.

Neither of them said a word. They didn't have to.

And if Brenda Leigh needed someone it was now.

Henry covered the bodies of Philip Stroh and G. R. Hawthorne with sheets and went downstairs to wait for the authorities.

Brenda laid her head over on Sharon's shoulder. Finally, after all the years of being the strong one, the fearless one, Brenda let down her guard and allowed someone to comfort her.

To hold her.

To let her cry.

To let her feel.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Sorry it's taken so long to update. I try to write everyday but it's been a busy couple of weeks.**_

_**Thank you so much for the reviews and comments. They are some of the best and most encouraging that I've ever gotten. I know I can't make everyone happy but I try not to go too against the grain. Not in this story anyway :)**_

* * *

It was almost 5 am by the time they finished procedure and paperwork and interviews. Brenda hated being on the other side for once. But she was grateful it was all over and she could get back to LA and to her life…or what was left of it.

The entire events of the night played out over and over in her head. How easily it could have all gone wrong. Still cloaked in Sharon's coat, her body was still in shock. She'd come so close…too close.

Someone was talking to her in front of G. R. Hawthorne's house but she didn't know what they were saying or who it was. That same someone was gently guiding her to the backseat of a black four-door car, and encouraging her to sit down. She did so without hesitation. It was then she realized how tired she was and within seconds her head fell back against the seat and she was sound asleep.

Sharon got Brenda into the car to wait while she talked with her friend, London Police Superintendent Lila Browning and Henry. Lila assured her everything was under control and they didn't need anything further from her or Chief Johnson. Sharon thanked her profusely and went to find Henry.

He was standing next to a police truck as she approached him. His large shoulders squared and strong but Sharon could tell he wanted to wither. Putting her hand lightly on his bulging bicep she dipped her head before pulling her mouth into a tight smile.

"Henry, I…I don't know how to thank you enough." Her voice cracked. It took a lot to crack Captain Sharon Raydor's voice. She turned her head quickly towards the car that Brenda Leigh was sitting in then back to Henry. "She…"

"Don't thank me, ma'am. I ignored a bad situation for too long." He hung his head in shame.

"But in the end everything came out okay." She thanked him again and slowly walked back to the car and Brenda. The heels of her shoes clacked along the cobblestone street. She peered into the backseat and was thankful Brenda was asleep. Coupled with the stress and the drama, her body was certainly in turmoil.

Superintendent Browning was leaning against the front fender with her arms folded across her chest. She could see that angst in her friend's face. "You did all that you could, Sharon."

"Did I?" She whispered past the lump in her throat. "Can we make a quick stop before you take us back to the hotel?"

Lila gave a curt nod and climbed into the vehicle. Not far away Sharon made her stop in front of Brenda's building. Hurrying quietly to not wake Brenda, although she figured it would take a lot to wake her at this point, Sharon made her way into Brenda's flat and gathered as much as she could.

The sun was already starting to peep through the curtains as Sharon guided a very groggy, very depressed Brenda to her hotel room bed. Leaving Brenda in her flat was not even an option. She'd been under way too much stress and knowing the cameras were still there would not turn into a good situation.

The turquoise dress was now wrinkled and had dried blood splatter across the front. Any other time Sharon would have blanched at the intimacy of unzipping the delicate material from the even more delicate body. But not now.

As the soft dress fell to reveal creamy white skin beneath, Sharon wrapped a plush white robe around Brenda's body until she was able to adjust the water temperature to just the right warmth in the shower.

"Brenda." Sharon said quietly. "Brenda, you have to take a shower." She slowly pulled the robe off of her from behind and gently pushed her under the spray. "I'll wait right here."

Sharon sat down on the wooden vanity bench and crossed her arms over her chest. She was forcing her body to fight its own exhaustion and catching glimpses of Brenda's curves behind the thin glass wall of the shower was a good distraction. As much as she tried not to look…her eyes kept taking quick peeks until finally she was staring. Watching her silhouette appear and disappear between the waves of steam, Sharon couldn't help but get that feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The water being shut off snapped her out of her pseudo-fantasy. But Sharon's mouth went completely dry as Brenda stepped around the glass partition in all her nakedness. Quickly she grabbed the towel and handed it to her. She knew they both had unsolved feelings for each other. Whether they were romantic, sexual or just truly friendly feelings she wasn't sure. But now was not the time to solve that mystery.

"Finish up in here and get in bed. I'll order you some soup." Sharon started to walk out of the steamy bathroom.

"It's 6am."

"You need something to eat."

"Eggs?"

Sharon smiled and shook her head back and forth. She quickly went into the other room to put in a room service order.

_Yes, this is Sharon Raydor in room 1315. I need to place a room service order…yes, two orders. Eggs…scrambled…toast…"_

"Bacon!" Brenda yelled from the bathroom. Sharon smiled, glad she hadn't lost her appetite in all the tragedy.

…_and bacon. No coffee or tea. Just juice. Can you rush this order, please? You can bill me double. Thank you._

Sharon waited in the living area of the hotel room for the food to be brought up. Surprisingly, they actually did rush it and it was there in about ten minutes. Brenda Leigh hadn't come out of the bedroom and Sharon hoped she was in bed resting.

She accepted the food cart and tipped the young man generously. Wheeling the cart into the bedroom she stopped in her tracks when she saw Brenda sitting cross-legged in the bed silently weeping into her hands. She emitted no sound but her shoulders shook violently.

"Everything is okay now." Sharon reassured her slowly from the doorway. She watched Brenda shake her head. Pushing the cart to the side of the bed, Sharon sat next to Brenda and nervously put a comforting hand on the middle of her back. "Here. Eat. You'll feel better and then you can rest."

Brenda didn't say anything but accepted the domed plate of food. She didn't realize she was that hungry until she put the first bite in her mouth and proceeded to practically inhale the rest of it. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Sharon take small, delicate bites of egg. But, truth be told, it was her untouched bacon that she was eyeing.

With an exaggerated sigh, Sharon picked up her two pieces of crispy bacon and laid them on Brenda's nearly empty plate.

"Thank you." Sharon did a double take and smiled at hearing the familiar drawl.

They finished their breakfast in silence. And as Brenda was getting more comfortable and tucking herself under the white duvet and sheet, her belly full and her eye lids fading fast, she watched Sharon push the cart to the door way.

"Sharon?"

Sharon turned back and looked at Brenda in the bed. She looked so frail and innocent cloaked in the white linens. Immediately, she saw the harsh reality in the dark, hollow circles under her eyes, the fire that once danced in those chocolate browns eyes was extinguished. This job and more specifically, the aftermath, took a toll on Brenda Leigh Johnson.

Brenda ran her thumb across her bottom lip and paused just a second before whispering, "Stay with me?"

Sharon Raydor didn't move a muscle. She didn't blink. She didn't shift her weight. She didn't inhale or exhale. She didn't purse her lips. She stood there replaying those three words in her head over and over again. _Stay with me?_

Finally, after what seemed like hours, she pushed the cart into the living room. Brenda watched the door with her heart beating in her throat. She didn't want to be alone. Not after last night. And the only person she wanted next to her was right there.

It wasn't Fritz or Will Pope or even the CIA who had rescued her. It was Sharon Raydor. And in the grand scheme of things that meant almost more than she could fathom.

She'd taken a chance. Before last night she wouldn't have dare venture as far but she couldn't let what she wanted pass her by anymore. As the cliché says, Life is too short.

In only a few seconds, Sharon stepped back into the bedroom, closed the door behind her and walked to the windows. With a quick swipe she closed the heavy curtains blocking out the day…the world. Only the soft glow of the bathroom light leaked in.

Brenda watched her every move.

Sharon stopped in front of the bathroom door. The light cascading around her. Placing her hands on her hips like she always did she said, "I'm…" she took in a sharp quick breath, "I'm going to take a shower. Then…then I'll be back." She turned on her heels and fully entered the small bath alcove not waiting for a response.

Swiftly, she stepped out of her clothes. Bending over quickly at the waist, Sharon wrapped her hair in a clean bath towel and stepped into the shower. The cold tile under her bare feet didn't diminish the fire burning inside of her. _Stay with me?_

She showered as fast as she could and after drying off she slipped into the extra white robe hanging on the warming bar. Pulling the door nearly shut behind her, the only light escaped through an inch opening.

The blue walls darkened to black with the absence of light but the white linened bed glowed. She could see Brenda folded underneath the covers and her dark hair stark against the light pillow. She couldn't tell if she was asleep but as she neared the light sounds coming from the bed told her Brenda had finally succumbed to her exhaustion.

Still, Sharon climbed into the empty side of the large bed. As much as she fought it off, her own body was starting to become delirious from lack of sleep. Inch by inch she stretched out on her side of the bed—her back turned towards the middle. But her body…her mind…was still aware of the body next to her. Not just any body…her body.

With a heavy sigh, her body relaxed and drifted off to sleep.

At some point—she wasn't sure when—Sharon woke to the feel of a close, warm touch at her back. Blinking her eyes open she quickly realized Brenda was right up against her back. And to her surprise, she remembered it was the closest comforting she'd had in a bed in a long time.

But she stayed still in case Brenda was asleep.

Brenda woke up finding the other half of her bed filled with a very warm body. Shaking her head, she realized she must have fallen asleep before Sharon got out of the shower. She remembered asking her to stay. She meant it. She wanted Sharon Raydor to stay with her.

Gently edging her body ever closer, she could feel the body heat before her breasts and stomach pressed against Sharon's back.

Sharon leaned back just a bit trying to get closer. It was then that a shiver went up her spine as Brenda's hand caressed so tenderly down her side and came to a rest on her hip. The robe she was wearing was still covering her body. And she ached to feel Brenda's touch on her bare skin but she wouldn't push it.

"You should be asleep." Sharon whispered deeply.

"Probably." Brenda breathed against the back of her neck sending a spark of lightning straight thru Sharon's body. "I'm glad you're here." Sharon's smile was hidden by the darkness of the room. "You…you saved my life."

Sharon turned over and faced her. She missed the slight pressure where her hand had been on her hip. Now they were only inches apart. But in the dark they could barely see the outline of each other's bodies.

"I was just doing my job…chief."

Sharon heard Brenda sniff and wondered if she was crying again. She never knew Brenda to cry so much but after the ordeal she'd been through she couldn't blame her. Her emotions and nerves were in such turmoil she imagined.

"Turn over." Sharon ordered slowly and Brenda did as she was told.

This time Sharon eased her body against Brenda's. They were touching from legs to chest. Sharon didn't hesitate when she draped an arm over Brenda's side and held her close. Sharon closed her eyes as she inhaled Brenda's scent. "Just sleep." She whispered and they fell sound asleep again.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Thanks for sticking with me. I know it's been so long between updates and I apologize. I didn't really know where this was going and I still don't. I thought about extending this and making it the last chapter but I'm kinda stuck so I'm going to give it at least one more. We'll see how it goes.**_

_**Thanks again!**_

* * *

Sharon woke with a start. Under the weight of her right arm, Brenda was fitfully thrashing about. She could tell Brenda was asleep by the muffled groans and abrupt movements. She flipped on the soft glow of the lamp next to the bed. Brenda's forehead and chest were drenched in sweat. Agony skewing her face. It didn't even process in Sharon's mind that Brenda would have nightmares after her ordeal but she should have expected it.

Gently shaking her awake, Sharon watched Brenda's eyes fly open as she immediately recoil away from her. Brenda clutched the sheet to her chest with white knuckles.

"It's okay." Sharon assured her softly. "It's just me. You're okay."

Brenda took several gasping breaths before somewhat calming down. Her heart was still pounding though. In her mind she was tied up in Hawthorne's bed and he and Stroh were taking turns at her. She couldn't move or defend herself. For the first time in her life she was completely and utterly helpless. It was a relief knowing it was all just a dream…a very bad dream.

Lying flat on her back, Brenda stared at the ceiling. It was all just a dream, she kept reminding herself. But she couldn't shake the uneasiness. She'd been Valencia Steele for too long to simply fall out of character and right back into Brenda Leigh Johnson's shoes. It was part of the CIA training that many, even veteran, officers failed at. Like a deep sea diver having to take slow steps to avoid decompression sickness, a deep undercover agent had to take similar baby step to reinsert themselves into their previous lives.

But what did she have to go back to? An empty house. No career. No friends except for her former colleagues who were busy with their own lives. No husband. No family. Nothing. She could feel Sharon staring at her.

"You'll acclimate just fine." Brenda snapped her head to the side. Was she reading her mind? Sharon Raydor was lying on her left side and holding her head up with her bent arm. Her right arm stretched down her side to rest lazily on her hip. The white robe she was wearing hung loosely open at the neck. She looked so un-Sharon-like that it made Brenda smile.

After the tumultuous dream she had had and the realization that life was going to be so different when she returned, it was the sight of Sharon Raydor that made her smile.

"What?" Sharon asked as Brenda tried to contain her grin but failed.

"This isn't the Sharon Raydor I know." She almost giggled.

"Oh?" Even though it was at her expense, Sharon was happy to see that Brenda could take a little joy out of something at that moment. This Job could have really taken a detrimental toll on the usually stout former Deputy Chief of the LAPD and time would only tell if the affects were just delayed.

They laid there looking at each other for several long minutes. But then Sharon watched a shadow cross over Brenda's face. Furrowing her brow she waited for Brenda to say something but when she didn't Sharon finally broke the silence.

"What are you thinking?"

Brenda regarded her for a long time before answering. Did she really want to know what she was thinking? Her mind was going in twelve different directions at once. But it all came down to one thing.

"Why'd you come lookin' for me?" The answer weighed heavily on her mind. Fritz didn't come. Will didn't come. Detective Gabriel didn't come. Sharon Raydor came.

Sharon rubbed the middle of her forehead. "When Fritz told me Stroh was out and missing, I knew he only had one agenda."

"Fritz knew?" Brenda asked somberly. She wasn't surprised because Fritz knew pretty much everything and what he didn't know he couldn't easily find out…if he wanted.

Sharon could only nod her head in agreement. It must have been difficult knowing that the person she shared her life with for so long hadn't pushed every envelope and boundary to find her. But Sharon didn't press it. She continued where she left off.

"I couldn't sit back knowing all of that and not do something about it. Try, at least. I also knew it was a long shot finding you since you were so deep. I couldn't, in good conscious, let you hang out to dry." Sharon Raydor watched each of her words sink in. "But when I happened upon you in that café the other day…it wasn't because of some stealth recon or high tech gadgetry. It was just that…a happenstance. Call it what you want—fate, magic, coincidence, whatever." Brenda's eyes widened with the realization that if it weren't for that moment…that decision for both of them to end up in that coffee shop at the same time…her life could have been over. "I couldn't let you keep going on this kamikaze mission without helping you or trying to help you. I contacted a friend who owns a private jet and told him money was no object. He got me here in record time and is still here waiting until it's time to go. Brenda, you're the smartest, toughest woman I know but you were in over your head. And you wouldn't have listened if I told you."

Brenda flinched slightly at the no holds barred words. But Sharon was right. She had been in way over her head.

"And according to your text message I'm your best friend so…" Sharon shrugged her right shoulder and smiled the slightest of smiles as Brenda blushed at her words. "I probably read that message two hundred times." She admitted in a low, deep whisper.

With that revelation, Brenda's eyes collided with Sharon's. The sudden rising and falling of Brenda's chest pulled Sharon's eyes downward. Down her long neck to her flushed chest. Her own breathing increased in reaction. Sharon also knew from experience that when Brenda started breathing rapidly she was freaking out a little on the inside. But she couldn't tell if this was one of those times or not.

"Can we go home…" Brenda suddenly let out a strangled laughed and floppy back onto the bed. Thrusting her fingers thru her splayed hair she laughed again. "I don't have any home to go home to."

Sharon edged a little closer to Brenda and lightly rested her hand on top of her stomach. She immediately felt the hitch in her muscles. She hadn't meant to be so bold. "You don't have to go back to anything. All you have to do is get back and you can make a whole new life for yourself."

Brenda turned to look at her friend. Yes, her friend. If the woman risked her life and spent who knows how much money to save her the least she could do was consider her a friend. Brenda could feel the weight of her hand still resting on her stomach. It was the same weight from last night that comforted her and made her feel safe. That is until the dreams started.

"Thank you…Sharon."

Sharon turned her head slightly. "You don't have to thank me for anything."

"I owe you my life." She felt Sharon's hand twitch lightly on her stomach. She laid her own over it. Half expecting Sharon to pull her hand away, Brenda was surprised when she didn't. Any other time having Sharon Raydor touching her would have sent fireworks into the sky but that day it was the most comforting, welcoming feeling she'd ever had.

"Let's go home."


	20. Chapter 20

_**I think this is it. This story has really run its course. And I can't turn it smutty now since I've kept it away from that for 19 chapters. I didn't intend for it to be that kind of story anyway. **_

_**All of my future stories will probably be posted under the Major Crimes group unless I do a backstory story. But I don't have any thoughts of one. **_

_**Thank you for reading and reviewing and commenting. I let this story get a little out of hand and I'm glad you stuck around.**_

_**Thank you!**_

* * *

Brenda didn't sleep at all during the flight back. She was afraid to close her eyes. Afraid the dreams would come back. From her side of the private jet she watched Sharon Raydor sleep in the extended seat across the aisle. Something was different about her when she slept. Her guard was down. She was exposed.

For the first time, Brenda really saw her. She saw the hard line of her strong jaw. The small nose. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. Even in her sleep a tiny smirk tickled the ends of her mouth.

But it wasn't her physical features that drew her in. It was what she kept hidden on the inside. The stuff she didn't let anyone see. The caring Sharon Raydor. The tender Sharon Raydor. The loving Sharon Raydor.

Brenda had missed her every day for over a year and now she was right in front of her face and she couldn't express her feelings. She knew for a fact she wouldn't have gotten through the job without her thoughts of Sharon. They kept her grounded in who she was. How would she ever thank her for that or even tell her at all?

"Why are you staring at me?" Sharon asked, without opening her eyes, in a deep, sleep-rasped voice.

Brenda's mouth fell open. She'd been caught. She watched Sharon's eyes lazily blink open.

She could only shake her head when Sharon asked if she'd gotten any sleep at all.

* * *

An hour later the plane had landed in LA and they were sitting in Sharon's car that was parked in the terminal lot. It was dark outside but neither could register what time it was until they looked at the clock on the console. Between lack of sleep and jetlag, everything was turned upside down. Thankfully it was still around 10pm so a good night's sleep was still attainable.

"Are you sure you want to go to a hotel?" Sharon asked as she looked over at Brenda sitting in the passenger seat next to her. She really did feel sorry for her. Here she was being thrown back into a life she hadn't led in over a year and to do it all alone.

Brenda nodded profusely. "Yes. I'll get my apartment in order tomorrow." She'd had all the utilities shut off but she automatically paid her rent even when she was gone. She didn't want to lose that location. It had taken awhile after Fritz left to find the right space for her and she loved her apartment. It was her own little piece of the world.

Sharon wondered if that was a good idea but didn't want to press the issue. Brenda was a grown woman and clearly able to make decisions on her own. Brenda didn't want fancy or expensive so Sharon took her to the Hollywood Hotel in Silver Lake. Fortunately, it wasn't too far from Sharon's own Los Feliz home.

Slowly dragging her rolling suit case behind her, Brenda stopped at the hotel bar and ordered a sandwich to take back to her room. Her growling stomach told her she hadn't eaten since who knows when. But more than anything she was exhausted. Beyond exhausted.

Thankfully, it didn't take long for them to have her order ready and she took it upstairs to her room. It was a nice enough room but she didn't pay attention to the details. She only wanted a hot shower and a bed to sleep in.

After her shower, Brenda propped herself up in bed and ate her sandwich while mindlessly watching the tv. She wasn't even paying attention to what the show was. Her mind was elsewhere.

Tomorrow her life started again. Brenda Leigh Johnson started again. But where would she start? A new job? She didn't know anything but law enforcement and she couldn't handle being under the guise of the CIA again. They wouldn't put her on another case that soon anyway. And technically she wasn't back in. This had been a special case…one which almost got her killed. Phillip Stroh's tentacles reached far and wide and apparently into the CIA. Never would she go back there again.

She was a retiree of the LAPD and couldn't go back there.

Maybe she would just pack up and go back to Georgia. There she truly could start anew.

But it wasn't Georgia she thought about when she closed her eyes.

* * *

After two much-needed glasses of wine and a bowl of pasta with herbs and oil, Sharon stepped into a steaming hot shower. She let the hot water pound against her body. The tension slowly released a bit but nothing would take it all away. With the soap covered loofa, she scrubbed every inch of her body. But still she felt the grime and grit. Her thoughts wandered. She could have easily botched the whole ordeal and gotten Brenda killed. It weighed on her mind heavily. Everything had turned out alright but what would the lingering effects be? For both of them.

Her skin was red and agitated from her aggressive scrubbing. The cocoa butter lotion she used to coat her skin with soothed it only slightly. Pulling on a pair of thin, loose grey yoga pants and a white tank top, Sharon finally climbed into her bed. She willed the thoughts spiraling around in her head to stop. And eventually sleep overtook them and she drifted off.

Suddenly, the crude sound of the doorbell buzzing jolted her out of bed. Not bothering to find her glasses, she flew out of bed and down the hallway still half asleep. When she got to the wooden door it took two looks out the peep-hole before it registered who was standing on her door step.

Sharon unbolted the 3 locks and pulled the door open.

"Brenda?" She asked squinting into the darkness.

The woman standing on her front porch was shifting her weight from one leg to the other. The shorts and t-shirt she had on looked like they'd been slept in. Her eyes were sunken and red…very red.

"I didn't…I didn't know where else to go."

Sharon took Brenda by the arm and led her into the house. Sitting beside her on the couch, Sharon watched her chocolate brown eyes dart from one thing to the next but not ever really focusing on anything. She looked high on something or drunk. But she knew she wasn't. It was exhaustion.

"Every time I close my eyes I'm back in that room. In that bed. Tied to that bed. And they're there. He's there." Brenda's voice cracked as she tried to shake the images from her head.

Sharon rubbed the middle of her forehead with her fingertips. "I knew it was a bad idea to leave you at that hotel." She watched the tears well in Brenda's eyes.

"Come on." Sharon stood up from where she was sitting and pulled Brenda to her feet with her arm. "You've got to get some sleep."

Stopping in front of her own door, Sharon considered making Brenda comfortable in the guest room next to hers but figured that would only temporarily mask the issue if help at all. Brenda hesitated only slightly before entering the neutrally decorated bedroom. The cream colored walls and black doors popped against the natural wood floors. Everything was in its proper place. Very Sharon-like.

Sharon stood in the doorway with her hands on her waist just watching Brenda looking at her personal belongings atop the antique vanity. Normally it would make her quite uncomfortable for someone to be looking so closely at her things. But this wasn't a stranger.

"The bathroom is through there." Sharon nudged her chin towards the closed white washed door. Brenda still hadn't said anything and was running her fingertips along the top of the mahogany wood vanity. Brenda finally made her way into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Sharon finally exhaled the breath she had been holding and climbed into her side of the bed. She couldn't believe after all the nights she had dreamed about Brenda being in her bed it was finally coming true. Albeit not in the capacity that she dreamed of. At the moment, Sharon only cared that Brenda got the help and sleep that she so desperately needed.

After turning the lamp off, she pulled the covers over her body and turned her back to the opposite side of the bed. The glow of the outside street lamp would provide enough light in the room for Brenda to find her way once she was done in the other room. Sharon blinked her eyes to stay awake until Brenda made it to bed. And finally she heard her padding across the hardwood floor.

Brenda got herself situated in the new bed.

"Thank you…Sharon." Brenda said as she placed her glasses on the bedside table.

"I just hope you can get some sleep tonight."

A light hand on her bare upper arm startled Sharon. She turned her head and saw the bleary brown eyes over her shoulder.

"I really do appreciate this." Sharon could feel her warm breath on her cooled skin. When Sharon didn't say anything, Brenda pressed on her arm turning her on her back. "I think I'll be able to sleep now."

Sharon swallowed the lump in her throat. "I hope so." It truly disturbed her that she was having these feelings of…she didn't even know exactly what they were.

Brenda leaned in closer and closer until their faces were mere centimeters apart. "Tell me to stop." Brenda whispered over Sharon's parted lips.

Sharon didn't say anything. She couldn't. She'd taken her breath away.

Brenda raked her bottom lip ever so lightly over Sharon's. She felt the woman under her stiffen. "I'll stop if you want me to."

Again Sharon didn't speak. She could feel Brenda's heart pounding against her chest. Or was that her own? She felt like a hormone raged teenager with butterflies in her stomach. She was a grown woman. Much too old to be so nervous. But she wasn't in control of her body anymore. Slowly, she dragged her tongue along her lip where Brenda's own lip had left a searing burn.

Brenda knew just from the feel of Sharon's body beneath hers that she didn't want her to stop. She shouldn't have started this…not now. But she was overcome.

And before she could think about what she was doing her lips were sealed over Sharon's mouth. She had always wondered what her lips would feel against her own. And she never imagined it to be so divine. She savored their softness and warmth.

But when Sharon relaxed and started to kiss her back, she felt it all the way to her toes. Shifting her upper body over Sharon as much as she could, she was surprised to feel two hands griping her waist. Her skin tingled like every nerve was on fire.

Brenda moaned into Sharon's opening mouth. And they explored and learned and tasted and devoured. The gentle, barely-there kiss soon turned into a deluge of probing tongues and almost painful nips. Each wondered if the other was feeling the same throbbing in their core.

But then Sharon pulled away and both were left panting and gasping for breath. She couldn't continue with what they were doing tonight if they'd both regret it in the morning.

"Wait." Sharon said breathlessly.

Brenda pushed herself up and away. The little bit of light through the window highlighted Sharon's flushed face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." She tried to move away but Sharon grabbed her by the waist again.

"No. That's not it. I've thought about this for so long." She saw the shock on Brenda's face. "I don't want it to be like this. You need to sleep."

Sharon was right. It wouldn't be fair to either of them to start something and then rush through it or have to stop in the middle. They weren't even sure what would even transpire. But now wasn't the time.

Sharon wiped her fingers across her swollen lips. She turned her body slightly towards Brenda and extended her left arm beside her. "Lay down."

Brenda followed the order she was given and curled into Sharon's side. Her resting on her shoulder and her arm thrown across her stomach. Sharon held Brenda close to her body. As she closed her eyes to sleep she hoped her friend would be able to sleep because tomorrow would be a whole new life.

And that night Brenda slept without any terrifying dreams or cold sweats. For the first time in years…maybe forever…Brenda felt safe. Completely safe.


	21. Chapter 21

_**I couldn't leave this story with the last chapter. I didn't like that chapter much at all. So I pretty much started another after I posted that one. I feel better about this one. Of course I could drag this story to here and there and everywhere but I don't want to. **_

_**So this is really it. :)**_

_**Thanks again!**_

* * *

Brenda was lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. She hated this. Hated it.

"Are you still having the dreams?" An even, steady voiced asked her.

"You mean nightmares?" She paused but her question wasn't answered. "Sometimes."

"And?" The voice asked again.

Brenda shrugged. "And what? I deal with it." She didn't offer anything further.

"How do you deal with it?"

Brenda sighed in frustration. This is why she hated this. She didn't need to talk about everything that was going on in her head. It had been a year after she had nearly been raped and killed by Phillip Stroh. A year of nightmares that diminished in time but still reared their ugly heads every now and again.

And she really didn't like talking about her personal life. "I wake up the person next to me and…they hold me until I fall back to sleep. That's how I deal with it."

For the rest of the hour Brenda told the therapist more details of her life than she ever wanted to reveal. Of course this woman had been asking her these same things for almost a year. Sharon had convinced her…or more like cajoled her to start seeing a therapist after the nightmares didn't go away and the lack of sleep was playing havoc on her body and mind.

When her required hour was over, Brenda stepped outside. Smiling as she recognized the car waiting under the awning, she pulled her purse strap higher on her shoulder and walked to the black Volkswagen.

"Hi there."

"Hi yourself." She noticed as the years passed his hair became more salt than pepper. But it was a distinguished look on him.

"So how did it go today?" He asked as they drove out of the parking lot.

"Oh that head shrinker! She wants me to talk, in detail, about my personal life, Fritzi!" She huffed and he only laughed and shook his head.

"Isn't that what they're supposed to do?"

She rolled her eyes and changed the subject quickly. For the rest of their trip, she kept their conversation to small talk.

The sun had started to fade over the canyon when he pulled the car into an empty parking space in the back of Farfalla restaurant. It was her night to pick the restaurant and she wanted Italian. She'd had a taste for good, heavy, bad-for-you pasta all week. The heartburn would give her fits later but it would be worth it. And Farfalla was the best Italian place in Los Feliz…and it was close to home.

It was starting to get crowded and they made their way to a table in the back. The exposed brick décor really made it feel like you were stepping into an authentic Italian trattoria in Tuscany. With his hand on the small of her back, Fritz guided her to their table. Suddenly, Brenda's eyes lit up.

Fritz pulled out her chair for her to sit across from him. But she wasn't paying attention to that. She was looking at the smirking brunette already seated at the table. Sitting down, she took Sharon's hand in hers under the table and leaned her body into her arm. Neither were too keen on PDAs. Their moments were for them not everyone else.

Fritz sat down across from Brenda and leaned over and kissed the cheek of the other blonde sitting next to him. "Have you been waiting long?" He asked.

"Not long." Deputy District Attorney Andrea Hobbs answered him. She'd known and worked with the FBI and the LAPD for years. They'd always been good acquaintances. But it wasn't until a few years after Fritz and Brenda divorced did they even acknowledge any mutual attraction to each other. But they'd taken things very slowly and now within the last year Brenda had returned safely to LA and her life did they start moving forward. Whether it had anything to do with her return, Andrea didn't know. But it was good to see Fritz happy again. The year Brenda was missing he wasn't himself. He was uptight and bitter. Andrea was there for him when he needed a friend or a shoulder.

But in the last year the two couples has become quite friendly. They tried…work permitting…to go to dinner together once a week. It was the first time Brenda had been friends with another couple. Odd as it was, the other couple was her ex-husband and former colleague but that wasn't an issue. She was happy for Fritz and Andrea. He really deserved to be happy. In the last years of their marriage she had made his life miserable. She realized that during her couch sessions with that head shrinker too.

As they waited for their food to come out, Andrea excused herself to the ladies room while Fritz took a call outside on his cell phone leaving Sharon and Brenda at the table alone.

"How was your session today?" Sharon asked quietly. She had been so concerned with Brenda's health and mental stability after coming off of that job that she somehow persuaded Brenda to see a therapist.

"Oh that woman! She drives me nuts."

The smile spread across Sharon's face. "I better watch out. That's what you used to say about me."

Brenda turned and looked at her…really looked at her. She was right. At first she couldn't stand Captain Sharon Raydor with her little notebook and clicking pen. But things had changed. She eventually saw the intelligent, beautiful woman for who she was. And had slowly fallen in love with her. Sharon Raydor was literally her savior.

And she knew that she would not have made it through this last year without her. That was a fact. After that first night she stayed with Sharon the nightmares didn't go away but they weren't as frequent and whenever Sharon put her arms around her and held her tight she felt safe. And when she kissed her and touched her she felt loved. And when she loved her she felt incredible.

They nervously admitted their attraction to each other after that first night. It would have been hard to deny after their kiss that night. They didn't take things as slow as Fritz and Andrea. No, Brenda moved in the next day. Sharon didn't want her suffering alone with her memories. That would have been hell to put her through that. And Brenda wasn't ready to be away from Sharon anymore.

Finally their food came and the four of them ate and talked and laughed like they did each week. After their meal, Brenda lifted her water glass for a toast. She hadn't ordered wine out of respect for Fritz. She realized, again in therapy, that she hadn't been as supportive of his sobriety as she should have been.

The other three picked up their water glasses too and held them out in front of them.

"To…" Brenda thought for a moment then looked lovingly at Sharon next to her. "To being completely and utterly and absolutely happy and content. And to happy endings."

"You are so sappy." Fritz grinned as they all clinked glasses.


End file.
